BLITZBALLERS
by innocentkiss
Summary: Maester Seymour used to get beat up by blitzball players, so now he wants to eliminate blitzball FOREVER!
1. Final Insult

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
-Special thanks to Chaos, Link of Shadow, Mayumi-H, Noelle, Reflections, and Tiger5913! =)  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 1: FINAL INSULT  
  
{In a hut on Besaid Island}  
Botta: (red-haired blitzball player who is putting a bandage on his nose) That was the final insult, I swear! Did you see what Cap'n Wakka did to me during practice today!  
  
Keepa: (fat goalie who is eating a chocolate eclair) Mmmm what?  
  
Botta: He hit me in the face with a blitzball! Right here! (points to his bandage)  
  
Keepa: Oh, so that's why you were crying. . . .  
  
Botta: Damn him. Damn that "Wakka".  
  
Keepa: . . . .I thought a crab scared you again.  
  
Botta: Shut up fatty. I'm not scared of crabs anymore! Anyway, do you know the only reason why Wakka is captain and not me?  
  
Keepa: (does know) I don't know.  
  
Botta: I'll tell you why!   
  
=*=  
  
{Flashback to high school -- in the locker room}  
(Wakka was 18 and Botta was 16 and they both played for the Besaid Aurochs)  
  
Old Coach: Aurochs -- I have an announcement to make. After the tournament . . . I'm retiring.   
  
Aurochs: Awwww . . . ?  
  
Old Coach: Now, now, I know you're disappointed. Before I retire, though, I need someone to replace me.  
  
Botta: (to himself) Can this be for real? My boyhood dream is coming true right before my eyes. Ever since I was one little boy I wanted to be the coach, captain, and manager of the Besaid Aurochs! Here's my chance! Oh this is so . . . (continued talking to himself)  
  
{Meanwhile, while he was talking}  
  
Old Coach: Who wants to be the new captain?  
  
Wakka: (raised his hand really fast and knocks Botta over in the process) OHHH ME!! I DO! I DO!  
  
Old Coach: OK, then -- you!! Congratulations, Wakka. (shook Wakka's hand)   
  
Botta: NO! *I* wanted to be captain!  
  
Old Coach: Well, you should have raised your hand faster.  
  
=*=  
  
{Present time}  
  
Botta: (clenching his hands into fists) I hate him.   
  
Keepa: Hey, why you hating on Cap'n Wakka? He is pretty cool, ya?  
  
Botta: That's what you think, tubby. But I know he's out to get me. NOT IF I GET HIM FIRST!! Da ha ha! I have the perfect plan to bring him down. Are you with me, fatass?  
  
Keepa: (points to himself) My name is Keepa.  
  
Botta: Good. Now let's go. Remember -- eliminate Wakka at all costs.  
  
=*=  
  
(Botta and Keepa walk down to the beach where Wakka is talking to a blond boy)  
  
Wakka: (buff, tan guy with sticking-up hair and a blitzball uniform) Hey, you guys!   
  
(They all do the Yevon handshake except for the blond boy)  
(The blond boy stupidly tries to imitate the Yevon handshake and recognizes it from somewhere)  
  
Keepa: (happily) Hi Cap'n Wakka! -- OW. Botta hit me!  
  
Wakka: (puts his finger in Botta's face) Don't hit your teammates. But hey, hahaha. (pats Botta on the shoulder) Try harder not to hit him next time, ya? I know you can do it.  
  
Botta: (to Keepa) What a bitch, am I right? Eh? Am I right?  
  
Keepa: Uh.   
  
Wakka: Hey, as long as you're here, I want you to meet this boy I reeled in while fishing. His name's Tee-dus. That there is Botta and Keepa.  
  
Tidus: ("Tee-dus", blond boy) Howdy. (nervous laughing) Hehehehe?  
  
Botta: He looks like Chappu! -- OW. Keepa hit me!  
  
Keepa: (loud whisper to Botta) How can you be so insensitive of Cap'n Wakka's feelings!  
  
Tidus: Eh . . . ?  
  
Wakka: (scratching his head) Um, I suppose. Tidus, you blitz? (holds up blitzball)  
  
Tidus: (smiiiiiile) DO I EVER!   
  
Wakka: GREAT! Let's see what you can do.  
  
(Botta pulls Tidus by the hood of his shirt)  
  
Botta: Listen, "Titus". You look like a nice guy so I'm gonna warn you now about that Wakka guy. You don't wanna trust him. He's a loser! The Aurochs used to DOMINATE the blitzball tourneys until HE became captain! Now we suck! Who cares if he can raise his hand fast!  
  
Tidus: He seems like a nice guy to me.  
  
Botta: Don't say I didn't warn you. (releases Tidus)  
  
Wakka: HEY HEADS UP, YA?! (throws blitzball directly at Tidus' face)  
  
Botta: That jerk is also trying to break Titus' face! HEY, LOOK OUT, EH?  
  
(Tidus looks up and catches the ball while doing a backflip. Then he does JECHT SHOT MARK III [a move he learned from his old man, Jecht] by whamming the ball off of a palm tree, off of Botta's face, and then kicking it way off into the horizon)  
  
(Botta cries)  
  
Wakka & Keepa & everyone else on the beach: Wow.  
  
Tidus: YEAH! I rock!!!  
  
Wakka: (awestruck) This kid is something special . . . .   
  
Keepa: WOAH, can you show me how to do that?   
  
Tidus: Sure, anyone can do it.  
  
Botta: (sob)  
  
=*= 


	2. Send-off Party

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 2: SEND-OFF PARTY  
  
{The Aurochs are on the beach at night having a send-off party. Every year there is a big blitzball tournament in Luca, and they're preparing to leave tomorrow.}  
  
Wakka: Hey, Botta! (throws blitzball at Botta)  
  
Botta: (was facing the other direction but now turns around) What does that moron want n--OWWWWWWWWWW!! (blitzball hits him in the nose again) Wahhhhhhh!!!!  
  
Wakka: (cringe) Oooh. Hey, sorry, ya? I thought you could catch it!  
  
Botta: (bleeding) He did it again! He threw a ball at my face! He's out to get me!  
  
Jassu: (another player for the Aurochs) It's called a "pass", dumbass. You know, you're supposed to catch them?  
  
Botta: (points accusingly at Jassu) You're on HIS side!  
  
Jassu: Whatever. (walks away while rolling his eyes)  
  
{Wakka is down the beach talking to a group of people}  
  
Wakka: (joking) Hey, this is a stray I found. Can we keep him? (socks Tidus in the arm)   
  
Tidus: (to people) Hi.  
  
Wakka: Oh, yeah, he's also like an honorary Auroch right now, ya? You should see what this guy can do. He does this really neat move! Hey, what was that shot called again?  
  
Tidus: The, uh . . . . "TIDUS Shot Mark XXX".   
  
Wakka: Wow! I wonder what Tidus Shots Mark 1 through 29 look like. This kid is full of surprises! I want you to be . . . . our new left forward!  
  
Datto: (the left forward for the Besaid Aurochs) Hey!  
  
(Wakka and Tidus roughhouse for about five minutes before a Goth-looking woman grabs Wakka's arm)  
  
Lulu: (big-chested Goth-looking woman with a dress made out of belts) Can I speak to you a minute, please?  
  
Wakka: (releases Tidus from headlock while chuckling) Yeah.  
  
Lulu: I don't know who that boy is, but -- Wakka. Are you listening to me?  
  
Wakka: Yes.  
  
(Lulu grabs Wakka's face and tilts it up so he is looking at her face instead of . . . . NOT looking at her face!)  
(Use your imagination to figure out where he was looking)  
  
Lulu: You just said he can be the left forward for the Aurochs.  
  
Wakka: Yeah, so what about it?   
  
Lulu: Who else used to be your left forward?  
  
Wakka: Datto. (points to Datto who is mad that Tidus took his position)  
  
Lulu: Who else?  
  
Wakka: . . . .   
  
Lulu: You know who I'm talking about.  
  
Wakka: What's your point.  
  
Lulu: Stop trying to replace Chappu!  
  
Wakka: I am not trying to replace him!  
  
(Tidus suddenly pops up in between Wakka and Lulu)  
  
Tidus: Who's Chappu?  
  
Wakka: (taken by surprise) AUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!   
  
Tidus: Well, it's just that earlier that guy with the broken face said I look like Chappu, and I was wondering if he was good-looking . . . . uh . . . . (trails off)  
  
(Lulu angrily walks off)  
  
Wakka: HEY, Lulu . . . .   
  
Tidus: What's that all about?  
  
Wakka: Nothing.   
  
{Botta is further down the beach watching Wakka through some binoculars)   
  
(In binoculars: Wakka puts his hand on his forehead and sighs. Tidus looks at him.)  
  
Botta: Hmm. I was hoping Titus would come to our side, but he's apparently siding with the captain. Predictable, eh? KEEPA WHERE ARE YOU GOING!  
  
Keepa: (trying to walk away) I'm hungry.  
  
Botta: (takes cream puff out of his pocket) Here. Now stay here, we gotta plan a way to sabotage the tournament in Luca.  
  
Keepa: Oooh, cream puff.  
  
Botta: I have a master plan . . . listen up . . . .  
  
=*= 


	3. Brotherhood!!

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 3: BROTHERHOOD!!  
  
{The next morning, preparing to board the boat to Luca}  
(Lulu is standing on the dock looking bored)  
(Botta is hiding behind packing crates. He is sneaking from crate to crate with Keepa stumbling after him.}  
  
(Behind a crate)  
Botta: (peeks his head out to look at Lulu) There she is. She's really something, huh? (drool)  
  
Keepa: Uh, yeah, it IS a nice boat.  
  
Botta: (confused for a minute) You dumbass, I'm not talking about the boat. I'm talking about HER.  
  
Keepa: Who her?  
  
Botta: (annoyed) LULU!!!!!!  
  
(Lulu suddenly hears her name being called out so she storms over to the packing crate and towers over Botta and Keepa)  
  
Lulu: I heard somebody call my name.  
  
Keepa: It was him! It was him!  
  
Botta: Shut up!  
  
(Botta and Keepa slap effeminately at each other)  
  
Lulu: I don't like being talked about behind my back, behind a packing crate.  
  
Botta: I, uh --  
  
Lulu: It would behoove you to refrain from such moronic behavior in the future.  
  
Botta: Behoove? Glahhhh . . . .  
  
Keepa: Stop looking at her chest! She's gonna --   
  
CRUNCH!!!!!!  
  
(Lulu punches Botta directly in the nose and sent him rolling five yards down the dock)  
(She dusts off her hands and returns to the same stoic position as before)  
  
Botta: Wah-h.  
  
(Wakka arrives on the dock with his bag over his shoulder)  
  
Wakka: Hey, Lulu! You came to see us off, ya? Hahahah.  
  
Lulu: That has nothing to do with it. You know perfectly well that Yuna is also going on this boat and it's my job to protect her, especially with all your perverted Aurochs running around.  
  
Wakka: I'm Yuna's guardian, too.  
  
Lulu: Well, it's pretty obvious that you're preoccupied with the tournament and you won't give a second thought to Yuna. Kimahri and I will have to protect her double.  
  
Wakka: (suddenly smiling again) I think you just want me to be able to focus so we can win the tournament!   
  
Lulu: I didn't say that.  
  
Wakka: Well that's what you were thinking, ya? Right? (nudge nudge)  
  
Lulu: Stop doing that.  
  
(Down the dock)  
  
Botta: He's flirting with my woman!  
  
Keepa: She's not "your" woman.   
  
Botta: Well, with Chappu dead and out of the way, I say she's a free agent.   
  
Keepa: I can't believe you . . . .  
  
Botta: Well that's life, um . . . . (stops to think of fat nickname) . . . . lardbucket!!  
  
{Wakka talks to Tidus}  
  
Wakka: I want you to have something.  
  
Tidus: Really? A present? For me? Cool.  
  
(Wakka suddenly whips out Brotherhood, a big detailed sword, and points it in Tidus' face)  
  
Tidus: AHHHHHHHH!!! (backs away)  
  
Wakka: Whoops, my bad. I forgot that when you hand a sword to somebody it's handle first. HANDLE first. (turns sword around and hands it to Tidus)  
  
Tidus: (nearly falls over from the weight) Um, thanks, Wakka.   
  
Lulu: (angry) That's Chappu's sword.  
  
Wakka: NOT ANYMORE. (quietly) Besides, he never used it.   
  
Tidus: Who's Ch--  
  
(Wakka suddenly puts Tidus in another headlock)  
  
Wakka: Hey let's just focus on blitz right now, ya? Blitz blitz blitz blitz!! (diggin' his fist into Tidus' skull)  
  
Tidus: You're hurting me. Get off. When do we leave, anyway?  
  
Wakka: Soon as Yuna gets here.  
  
{Yuna and Kimahri show up}  
  
Wakka: There she is.  
  
Yuna: (polite, pretty summoner girl about Tidus' age) Hello.  
  
Kimahri: (big blue furry thing with a horn & he's also Yuna's guardian) Rrrrgh.  
  
Tidus: Wow, that guy's huge.   
  
(Everyone gets on the boat)  
  
{On the boat}  
  
Wakka: Wait, I have to take roll. Is everyone here?  
  
Aurochs: (boredly) Yes.  
  
Botta: (on the dock) Wait! Wait for me!   
  
Wakka: Damn it, Botta. I try to be patient with you but you need to get your act together.  
  
Botta: (mutters) Bitch.  
  
Wakka: I heard that, uhh, bee-yotch. Now get up here.   
  
{Botta boards the boat}  
  
Wakka: Good, now everyone's h -- Botta, stop trying to push me overboard, ya?  
  
Captain of the boat: Can we leave now?  
  
Wakka: Uh-huh.  
  
(As the boat leaves, there are lots of crying people on the docks.)  
(Tidus watches while Yuna says good-bye and does the Yevon symbol for everyone.)  
  
Tidus: Why is everyone crying? The Aurochs don't suck THAT much.  
  
Yuna: (smile) I think . . . they are crying for me.  
  
Tidus: You don't blitz! Uh, do you?  
  
Yuna: (smile) . . . .   
  
=*= 


	4. No such thing as an L-word

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 4: NO SUCH THING AS AN L-WORD  
  
{On the boat to Luca}  
  
Wakka: What's our goal?  
  
Aurochs (except Tidus): TO DO OUR BEST!!!  
  
Wakka: That's right, ya? Doing your best is all that matters. Now everybody turn to the Auroch next to you and give them a hug.   
  
(All the Aurochs hug each other)  
(Wakka hugs Tidus so tightly that he lifts him off the ground)  
  
Tidus: Uh-h . . . . aw, jeez.  
  
Wakka: Now, let's sing the Blitzball Theme Song that I wrote. (takes out harmonica and blows on it)  
  
Aurochs: (singing boredly) Blitzball . . . . anyone can do it if you give it a try. Give it a try.  
  
Wakka: (claps loudly) Now sing the next verse.  
  
Tidus: NO!!! (covers his ears)  
  
(Everybody gasps and looks at Tidus)  
  
Wakka: Listen brudda, you gotta problem with the song I wrote?  
  
Tidus: No, it's just that when you play blitzball, it's not about being nice and friendly. You can't win if you're being nice. It's like, "Oh, hello other team. You would like the ball wouldn't you? Here you go."  
  
Wakka: Ahh, so you heard of my "Good Neighbor" play.  
  
Tidus: Um, I'm sure that's nice and all, but I have a better strategy. It's called PLAY TO WIN.  
  
Letty: (another player) W-win?   
  
Tidus: YEAH!! Do you guys want the trophy this year, or do you wanna go home losers?  
  
Aurochs: Ahhhh!! (scream at hearing "loser")  
  
Wakka: (lecturing) Brudda, you don't use the "L-word" in blitzball. Even if you . . . . "don't score as much as the other team", you still get a prize for trying.   
  
Aurochs: YEAH!  
  
Wakka: Look at this prize I got at last year's tournament. (points to a shiny, heart-shaped sticker on his blitzball uniform that says "YEVON LOVES YOU")  
  
Tidus: (shudder) Well, where I come from, Zanar -- I mean, where I come from, we always aim for the big prize. At this year's tournament, we're gonna win!  
  
Wakka: Woah! (holds his head in his hands)   
  
Tidus: So what do you think?  
  
Wakka: (swallow) I need some time to adjust . . . .  
  
{Up in the mast of the boat}  
  
Botta: (looking down upon them) Are they done singing Wakka's "Blitzball Theme Song" yet?  
  
Keepa: I think so.  
  
Botta: Good. (takes knife out of pocket and starts sawing at a piece of rigging)  
  
Keepa: (GASP!) You're not supposed to do that!  
  
Botta: Well, duh, chubby. I have this all calculated. When I cut this rope, it will snap, and the metal pulley will shoot down and go through Wakka's skull.  
  
Keepa: Uhh, I better tell Cap'n Wakka!   
  
Botta: (puts a croissant in Keepa's mouth with one hand while sawing with the other)  
  
Keepa: Mmmmmph.  
  
{Down below}  
  
Wakka: Hey, where's Botta?   
  
Tidus: Who?  
  
Wakka: The guy with the broken nose. I wanted him to hear what you said, about this "winning". Oh well.   
  
Tidus: Hey, Wakka. I think that Botta guy's plotting against you.  
  
Wakka: You think so, ya? That's ridiculous.   
  
{Up in the mast}  
  
Botta: Damn. This is taking too long. (still hacking)   
  
Keepa: (munch, munch) Hey, look.  
  
Botta: What?  
  
(Botta and Keepa look up and see a big dark object in the ocean ahead of them)  
(Botta drops his knife and Keepa drops his food)  
  
Keepa: Oh no, this is bad, ya?  
  
Botta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHHH -- !!!! It's SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN.  
  
(Sin being the undefeatable monster that goes around killing everything in its path)  
(Everyone on the boat screams)  
  
Tidus: Hey, it's that thing.  
  
(Sin took Tidus from his home in Zanarkand and brought him 1,000 years into the future to Besaid, which is why he recognizes it)  
  
(Botta and Keepa fall out of the mast when Sin collides with the boat)  
  
Wakka: EVERYBODY HIT THE DECK!!!!!!!  
  
Botta: Unh ow ow ow ow. (he hits the deck and bounces about four times)  
  
Keepa: AHHHHHHHHHHHH(crash, splinter)hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . . (he hits the deck and falls through it) -- UNH!!! awww . . . .   
  
(The rest of the Aurochs, crew, and passengers flatten onto the deck, covering their heads)  
  
Yuna: Oh-h . . . .  
  
Wakka: PROTECT YUNA!!!!  
  
(Kimahri acts as Yuna's bodyguard)  
(Lulu and Wakka stand in front of them in fighting stance)  
  
Wakka: Let's take this thing down.  
  
Yuna: No, Wakka! You can't!  
  
Datto: Then let's stall it. (goes to harpoon launcher on deck)  
  
Wakka: Don't do that!!!  
  
Datto: Why n(shoots harpoon into Sin)ot?  
  
Wakka: Augh!  
  
(The boat is now anchored into Sin and Sin pulls the boat after it like a tugboat)  
  
Everyone on the boat: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Sin pulls the boat the other way)  
  
Everyone on the boat: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Tidus jumps up brandishing Brotherhood)  
  
Tidus: I wanna fight too -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
(Sin pulls the boat again)  
  
Lulu: (takes out magical stuffed Mog doll)  
  
Tidus: Hey, that's cute. Can I play with it later?  
  
Lulu: (shoves Tidus out of the way)  
  
Tidus: Haven't you ever heard of sharing.  
  
Lulu: (casts Blizzard spell at Sin)  
  
Wakka: BUYA!!!!! (throws blitzball at Sin very hard)  
  
(thunk!!)  
  
(The ball boomerang'ed back into Wakka's hands)  
  
Tidus: Let me try! (starts slashing around with Brotherhood wildly)  
  
(Everybody nearby slowly gives him a wide berth)  
  
Wakka: No, brudda. You're a "newbie". Stand back.  
  
(Wakka and Lulu continue to barrage Sin with attacks)  
  
(Sin eats Wakka's blitzball)  
  
Wakka: Damn it! I payed 9750 gil for that. How are we gonna play in the tournament now?  
  
Tidus: My turn!!!!! (leans over the railing of the boat and tries whacking Sin with his sword)  
  
Wakka: Hey, uh, careful --  
  
Tidus: Just a little bit . . . nnnnGAHH . . . closer -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh -- !!  
  
(splash)  
(Tidus fell overboard)  
  
Wakka: Sigh.  
  
(Wakka jumps overboard to save Tidus)  
(They come back up onto the boat)  
  
Tidus: Thanks, Wakka.  
  
Wakka: Ugh, just don't do that anymore. Do you want Sin to get you?!  
  
Tidus: Well, it, um --  
  
(The harpoon launcher on the boat breaks off and releases Sin from the boat)  
  
(Sin swims away)  
  
Lulu: Oh, thank God. (Their god being "Yevon")  
  
Datto: Uh-oh he broke loose! (runs to the harpoon launcher on the other side of the ship)  
  
Aurochs: NOOOOOOO! (all the Aurochs jump on top of Datto)  
  
Wakka: (shaking with rage) Th-that . . . bastard . . . . S-Sin . . . . !!  
  
Tidus: (shaking with hypothermia) Hey . . . . why are you so pissed?  
  
Wakka: (lying) Because -- Sin -- he -- TOOK MY BLITZBALL, YA?!   
  
Tidus: Hmm, right.  
  
Botta: (stands up and punches his fist in the air) YEAH! We kicked Sin in the ass.  
  
Wakka: What are you talking about! You were unconscious the whole time. You didn't do a damn thing!!!  
  
(Wakka and Botta glare at each other)  
  
Lulu: (runs up to Yuna) Are you OK?  
  
Yuna: (really quickly) Yes. I'm . . . not hurt.   
  
Lulu: Good.  
  
(They hug)  
  
Botta: I'm hurt!   
  
Lulu: Tsk. (rolls eyes)  
  
Botta: Was that a sympathetic "tsk"?  
  
(Everyone chooses to ignore Botta)  
  
Lulu: (to Wakka) There's no point in doing that.  
  
(Wakka is repeatedly hitting his fist into the wall)  
  
Wakka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! RRRRGGGHH!!!  
  
Lulu: Nobody got hurt in the attack.   
  
Botta: *I* got hurt. (points to a small bruise on his arm)  
  
Wakka: So nobody got hurt. FOR NOW. Sin is just going to keep going until he hits another village. Then he'll destroy it. AAAAAH. Damn it.  
  
Botta: Why does everyone think Sin is a male?  
  
Lulu: The best we can do is to guard Yuna on her pilgrimage to defeat Sin.  
  
Wakka: Rrrrr, I know that . . . . but . . . . (sigh)  
  
Keepa: (from below decks) Can somebody help me?   
  
Wakka: Even if she defeats Sin he'll still come back in 10 years. All the stuff we gotta sacrifice -- it's not worth it!!!!! RRRRRRRRAAARGH.  
  
(Lulu stops Wakka from busting his knuckles open by blocking his punch with her hand!!)  
  
Lulu: The more you think about something, the less action you take. Now let's go inside. It's cold out.  
  
(After Lulu and Wakka head inside, the rigging snaps and the metal pulley goes flying into the deck right where Wakka was formerly standing and cuts a jagged path through the floorboards)  
  
Botta: Gah, damn it!  
  
=*= 


	5. Stopped in Kilika

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 5: STOPPED IN KILIKA  
  
{The village of Kilika was destroyed by Sin. Lots of people died. Yuna sent their souls to the Farplane after the boat docked.}  
  
Wakka: DAMN it. (punches his fist into his hand) I told you Sin would strike again.  
  
Lulu: Well, it didn't take a genius to figure that one out.  
  
Wakka: This isn't a time to be makin' jokes.  
  
Lulu: Who's joking? Everyone knows that Sin will destroy everything.  
  
(Meanwhile, the Aurochs were helping the surviving villagers repair their houses and docks and etc.)  
  
Datto: (hammering a plank and cursing every time he hammers)  
  
Tidus: (clearing debris) What's wrong, you know someone who died?  
  
Datto: No, it's not that. We're gonna have to lose the tournament in Luca now.  
  
Tidus: Hahaha. "HAVE" to lose? Hahahahaha.   
  
Datto: Shut up! Cap'n Wakka is gonna make us use our "Happy Forfeit" gameplan on the Kilika Beasts out of respect for their recent tragedy. (The Kilika Beasts is Kilika's blitzball team)   
  
Tidus: Hey, have the Aurochs ever won any games, like, ever?   
  
Datto: Well, a couple. But that was back when we had Chap -- uh.  
  
Tidus: Why did you stop talking?  
  
Datto: (shrug)  
  
Tidus: You were about to say Chappu. You were gonna say "Chappu"!!   
  
Datto: No I wasn't. And don't say "Chappu"! D'OH!! You made me say it.  
  
Tidus: What is it about this "Ch" -- I mean, this guy?   
  
Datto: Nothing. But never speak his name ever again. (squinty eyes)  
  
(Conspiratory music)  
  
{Botta was helping a man fix his hut}  
  
Man: M-my wife -- I haven't found her yet. H-have you seen her? Sh-she's about 5'4", black hair -- I th-think she was wearing a blue dress --  
  
Botta: Yeah, I think I saw her over there somewhere. (waves dismissively in some direction)  
  
Man: Oh, good. (sighs with relief) You know what's good at a tragedy time like this? Blitzball.  
  
Botta: Got that right. (picks up broken pottery) I hope this isn't an heirloom.   
  
Man: Well, it WAS. So, you play for the Aurochs, huh?   
  
Botta: Whaaaat!? How d-did -- why do you think that?!?!?!  
  
Man: You're wearing an Aurochs uniform.  
  
Botta: (looks down at self) Oh! Ah hahahaha. (laughs a little too hard)  
  
Man: Hey, don't worry. If I was a blitzer, I wouldn't wanna be connected with those Aurochs. Don't get me wrong, huh? It's just that your management sucks.  
  
(Botta smiles)  
  
Man: And the players -- woah they suck more. I memorized all their stats because they're all "0". Except for "number of losses". AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA.  
  
(Botta's expression does not change but you can see that his hands shake angrily as he clenches the things he's holding)  
  
Man: It's hard to pick out the worst player. Hey, I'm sure you DO YOUR BEST or whatever. But there's this one player, I forget what his name is, every time somebody throws him a pass he screams, closes his eyes, and gets blitzballed directly in the nose.   
  
(The piece of lumber that Botta is holding in his hands snaps in two)  
  
Man: No, wait, I like that player.  
  
(Botta's hands stop shaking)  
  
Man: Everytime he gets hit in the face I laugh so hard I nearly puke. And then they have to clear the sphere pool because he contaminates the water with his nosebleed. It's hilariou--  
  
(Botta's hands are suddenly around the man's throat)  
  
Man: GFFFFFFFSKaaaack  
  
{After they finish the repairs, everyone gets back on the boat and they head out again}  
  
(The Aurochs try to mimic the move they saw Tidus do on the beach earlier by jumping, spinning around, and . . . falling . . .)  
  
Yuna: Oh! It's the Jecht Shot!  
  
Tidus: No it's not!!!  
  
=*= 


	6. Maester Seymour hates blitzball

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 6: MAESTER SEYMOUR HATES BLITZBALL  
  
{Luca [port city with blitzball stadium]}  
(Two announcers are on the TV stations across Luca)  
  
Announcer #1: Well, it's blitzball season and the hour of the yearly blitz tourney! I CAN'T WAIT!  
  
Announcer #2: Amen to that. (does Yevon handshake)  
  
{Everyone watching the TV across Luca does the Yevon handshake back}  
  
Announcer #1: (wide grin) I'm personally root, root, rooting for the hometeam: the Luca Goers!!!  
  
Announcer #2: (annoyed grimace) Yeah, the Goers are definitely the fan favorite and they have the "home-pool" advantage, but the Kilika Beasts' recent tragedy might earn them some respect!  
  
Announcer #1: Other teams competing this year include the Ronso Fangs and the Guado Glories.  
  
Announcer #2: You can't forget the Besaid Aurochs, statistically the worst team ever. As we all know, their star player and younger brother of the coach, Chappu, was killed battling Sin one year ago today.  
  
Announcer #1: Let's have a moment of silence . . . . (cough)  
  
Announcer #2: (puts his hand on his ear so he can hear his manager over his headset) I was just informed by my boss that we forgot to mention the . . . Al Bhed Psyches. WELL THERE I MENTIONED THEM.  
  
Announcer #1: I get the impression you don't like the Al Bhed very much.  
  
Announcer #2: Well duh. Sacriligious bastards! I hope they die -- I mean, lose. LOSE!!!!  
  
***  
  
{On a very cushy, expensive boat that is crusing into Port #4 in Luca}  
(It's a boat full of maesters [priests])  
  
Maester Seymour: (effeminate Guado man with long & weird hair) Why must I attend this match of . . . "blitzball"?  
  
Seymour's Assisant: (Guado guy who is fanning Seymour with a feathery fan) Is this your first match, sir?  
  
Seymour: Yes, quite. I must admit, sports are not an interest of mine. The animalistic competition -- the injuries -- the men who exhaust themselves in pursuit of what? -- a trophy. HAH. How pointless.  
  
Assistant: The blitzball players used to beat you up in high school, right, Maester Seymour?  
  
Seymour: (puts his face very close to his assistant's) You will never mention that . . . . ever again. (releases Assistant)  
  
Assistant: OK.  
  
Seymour: Bring me my blueprints! We have to review "the plan".   
  
Assistant: By "blueprints" do you mean these crayon drawings.  
  
Seymour: We will refer to them as blueprints from now on.   
  
(Seymour shows blueprints to his assistant)  
  
(1st blueprint: looks like a fishbowl with stick figures swimming in it)  
  
Seymour: Allow me to explain. (gestures grandly) This is the sphere pool in which blitzball is played, and these are the blitzball players -- the "blitzballers".  
  
Assistant: I see.  
  
(2nd blueprint: looks like a girl with short hair carrying a lacrosse stick)  
  
Seymour: This is . . . Lady Summoner Yuna carrying her magic staff. Beautiful, isn't she?  
  
Assistant: You are right Maester Seymour.  
  
(3rd blueprint: looks like two muscular men. One of them is fat and one of them has red hair and a bandage on his nose?!)  
  
Seymour: These are two blitzball players I have had the pleasure of corresponding with through the mail. Although I do not typically acknowledge the existence of the athletic, these ones assured me that they are young revolutionaries who want to overthrow their blitzball team.  
  
Assistant: Oh.  
  
Seymour: I will rendezvous with them in Luca.   
  
(4th blueprint: looks like a bunch of blond mechanics)  
  
Seymour: This is the Al Bhed and th --   
  
Assistant: Um, excuse me, is there a point to this?  
  
Seymour: (sigh) I didn't expect you to understand. With the help of Lady Yuna (girly sigh), my revolutionary correspondant, his rotund assistant, and the Al Bhed, we will ELIMINATE BLITZBALL ONCE AND FOR ALL! . . . forever! . . . for eternity! Yes, I like the last one very much. (smirk)  
  
Assistant: Get rid of blitzball? B-but you can't!  
  
Seymour: Oh, can't I? I'm a Maester of Yevon. The devoted Yevonites are at my beck and call. They will do whatever I say without a second thought. All I have to do is this. (does the Yevon handshake and laughs evilly!)  
  
=*= 


	7. Children of Yevon

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 7: CHILDREN OF YEVON  
  
{The Aurochs get off their boat while Maester Seymour gets off of his}  
(All of this is on TV)  
  
Announcer #2: OHHHMYGOD!! It's Maester Seymour! Look, it's really him! He came to see the blitzball tournament!  
  
(A very big crowd has gathered to see Maester Seymour)  
(He has a band play for him while he gets off his ship)  
  
Seymour: It is a pleasure to be here. I truly love the sport of blitzball. The animalistic competition -- the injuries -- the men who exhaust themselves in pursuit of what? A trophy . . . and ETERNAL GLORY. (breathily) It's beautiful.  
  
{The Aurochs get off their small, crappy boat}  
(There are three people standing there)  
  
Wakka: Hey they came to cheer us on! (to the three people) Thanks goes to the fans! We won't let you down.   
  
Person: Would you get off the damn boat already?!?! We're waiting to board.  
  
Wakka: Oh.  
  
Yuna: Well, I'll be cheering for the Aurochs. Kimahri too, right?  
  
Kimahri: Rrrrragh.  
  
Wakka: What about you, Lulu?  
  
Lulu: I don't cheer.   
  
Wakka: Then . . . what's your favorite blitzball team?  
  
Lulu: Please shut up.  
  
Wakka: Then . . . who's your favorite captain of a blitzball t -- hey where's everyone going?  
  
(All the Aurochs ran over to see Maester Seymour)  
  
Botta: There he is. Hey pudgy, write this down in our day planner. "3:00 -- rendezvous with Maester Seymour before the tournament".   
  
Keepa: What!? We can't talk to Maester Seymour. He's a maester.  
  
Botta: I scheduled an appointment. (takes letter out of his pocket and shows Botta the official Seal of Yevon)  
  
Keepa: Woah -- you wrote a letter to Maester Seymour!?!?!  
  
{Tidus looks at Seymour}  
  
Tidus: I don't like that guy.  
  
(Maester Seymour smiles weirdly at Yuna)  
  
Yuna: Oh-h . . . it's really him.  
  
Tidus: (to himself) Why do girls always like girly men! (out loud) I think he's gay.  
  
(Everyone turns around and glares at Tidus)  
(Tidus was also on TV at this time)  
  
Tidus: Just kidding. Ehehehehehe?  
  
=*=  
  
{Meanwhile, in a cafe, a middle-aged man is watching this spectacle on TV}  
  
Auron: (grizzled middle-aged man with dark glasses) Huh. He lives. . . . good.  
  
(On TV: three bodyguards of Maester Seymour are punching Tidus in the stomach)  
  
=*=  
  
{Back to the scene of Tidus' clobbering}  
  
Announcer #1: OHHHHH and this is not good -- it appears that an anonymous blitzballer has just insulted Maester Seymour.  
  
Seymour: (walks up to bodyguards) Halt.  
  
(Bodyguards immediately drop Tidus and bow down to Seymour)  
  
Seymour: You look to be -- in shape. Are you a blitzball player, by any chance?  
  
Tidus: My name is Tidus and I play for the Besaid Aur--(notices Wakka making a cutthroat motion at him). What I meant to say was, my name is Craig and I do NOT play for the Besaid Aurochs.  
  
Seymour: (raises eyebrow) I would like to stay and chat with you but I must take leave . . . Craig.  
  
Tidus: OK, Seymour.  
  
(One of the Aurochs kicks Tidus in the butt)  
  
Tidus: MAESTER Seymour.  
  
(Seymour leaves)  
  
(Wakka lectures in Tidus' face)  
  
Wakka: (wiping sweat off of his forehead) Are you crazy brudda? You know who that was? MAESTER SEYMOUR!!! A priest of Yevon, which means he is a child of Yevon, which makes him RELATED TO YEVON! You just insulted Yevon's SON! ON TV!!!!!!! Is that any way to represent the Aurochs, DEVOTED YEVONITES?!  
  
Tidus: Jeez, relax. I thought we were here to blitz. What's with the sermon?  
  
Wakka: (looks at Tidus while frowning) You don't know the teachings of Yevon?  
  
Tidus: Isn't Yevon a country in the middle east?  
  
Wakka: . . . WHERE exactly you from, brudda?  
  
Tidus: Uh, that's private!!!!!!!!  
  
(Since he is from 1,000 years in the past)  
  
Wakka: (flatly). . . wait here.  
  
(Wakka walks off slowly and then suddenly runs to where Lulu is)  
  
Wakka: Does he look Al Bhed to you?  
  
Lulu: You mean the boy you found? Why would you think that? He speaks our language.  
  
Wakka: I know -- but look!! He's actin' all suspicious! And with that blond hair he could be an AL BHED SPY!!!  
  
Lulu: You're being ridiculous. He was your new best friend until you noticed that he's BLOND.  
  
(Wakka runs up to Tidus and forces his eyes open with his fingers so he can look to see if he has swirly eyes like the Al Bhed)  
  
Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.  
  
(He does NOT have swirly eyes!)   
  
(Wakka smacks Tidus in a friendly way on the back)  
  
Wakka: Sorry to doubt you, ya? Let's head out to the stadium.  
  
=*= 


	8. Wakka hates the Al Bhed

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 8: WAKKA HATES THE AL BHED  
  
{Waiting for Maester Seymour}  
  
Botta: Is it 3:00 yet?  
  
Keepa: Well, I don't know since Cap'n Wakka made me throw my digital watch away -- sniffle. I got that for my birthday!   
  
Botta: Jeez. Well, judging from the placement of the sun, I'd say it's about 2:57 and 4 seconds.   
  
(Maester Seymour and five bodyguards appear from nowhere)  
  
Seymour: Excuse me, you two. I'm looking for these people. (holds up blueprint of two muscular blitzballers)  
  
Botta: That's us.  
  
(Seymour looks back and forth from the blueprint to the people standing there)  
  
Seymour: (sigh) At least you're punctual. I like that.   
  
(Yevon handshakes all around)  
  
Seymour: Let's go to my luxury box seat in Luca Stadium. There, we can discuss the matter at hand in private.  
  
Botta: Yes, almighty Lord Maester Seymour, your highness, sir.  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room A -- Besaid Aurochs' locker room}  
  
Tidus: Hey, what's goin' on? When are we gonna blitz?  
  
Letty: First, Cap'n Wakka has to go to the drawing where he chooses which team we play.  
  
(All the Aurochs look depressed)  
  
Jassu: Usually Cap'n Wakka draws the Luca Goers. They're #1 in the league and we always get eliminated by them in the first round.  
  
Tidus: We're not losing this year. Not with ME here, the Ace of the Zanarkand Abes! WHOOPS! MY BAD!!! That was just a little joke. (pumps fist)  
  
(Everyone looks suspiciously at Tidus)  
  
=*=  
  
(Yuna, Lulu, Kimahri, and Wakka are at the drawing)  
  
Some Guy: The matches are totally randomized, determined by picking team names from a hat. Now did somebody remember to bring a hat?  
  
(Everybody looks around confused)  
(Nobody has a hat)  
  
Some Guy: Damn it. Technical difficulties. Everybody hang on. (leaves to find a hat)  
  
Some Other Guy: YOU'RE LAME!!!!!!!  
  
(Wakka is nervously pacing back and forth but he stops to glare at the captain of the Al Bhed Psyches)  
  
Wakka: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. What an ugly mother, ya?  
  
Lulu: Shhhhhhh, Wakka, he can hear you.  
  
Wakka: So what, he doesn't speak English!  
  
Al Bhed Captain: Actually, I do. I was educated in a bilingual curriculum and can fluently speak both Al Bhed and English.  
  
Wakka: AUUUUUGH! Stop speaking MY language!  
  
Al Bhed Captain: (smiles politely at Yuna and asks her a question in Al Bhed)  
  
(Yuna shakes her head)  
(Wakka puts his hands over Yuna's ears and nearly crushes her head)  
  
Wakka: Don't you be speakin' that DIRTY LANGUAGE! There are CHILDREN present!  
  
Al Bhed Captain: Do you have a problem with me and my people?  
  
Wakka: Yes I do, and that problem is that you're heathens!   
  
Lulu: Wakka.   
  
Al Bhed Captain: I beg your pardon.  
  
Wakka: I do not pardon you! Thanks to you and your stupid machina-machines, you brought the wrath of Yevon upon us and he unleashed SIIIIIIIN to plague our daily lives! (gesturing wildly and talking like a preacher)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: That is not true, my bigoted friend.  
  
Wakka: What!? I'm not your friend! (begins poking Al Bhed Captain in the chest very hard) You like that, ya? Huh? (takes fighting stance)   
  
Lulu: Wakka!  
  
(Wakka and the Al Bhed Captain get into a shoving match)  
  
Lulu: DAMN IT WAKKA!!!!  
  
(Wakka produces a blitzball and points it menacingly)  
(Al Bhed Captain whips out a machine gun and casually aims it at Wakka)  
(Wakka hides behind Kimahri)  
  
Wakka: Ahhhh! Machina weapon! Machina weapon!!! Get him Kimahri!  
  
Kimahri: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrargh.   
  
Wakka: (from behind Kimahri) HA! If you want to get me you'll have to shoot through 2.5 tons of Ronso!!!!   
  
(Kimahri's eyes open wide)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Prepare to die!!!!!]  
  
(Al Bhed Captain chases Wakka in circles around Kimahri)  
  
Wakka: LULU?!?! YUNA?!?! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp.   
  
(Some guy comes back with a bucket)  
  
Some Guy: Well, we couldn't find a hat, but we did find this bucket. Now out of courtesy we let the last place team in the league draw first. Captain Wakka!! You're up.  
  
(Wakka runs to the front with the Al Bhed Captain chasing him)  
  
Some Guy: (to Al Bhed Captain) Hey wait your turn.  
  
(Wakka goes "hahahaha" at the Al Bhed Captain)  
(He feels around in the bucket and picks out a name)  
  
Wakka: Please not the Luca Goers. (unfolds paper)   
  
Some Guy: What does it say?  
  
Wakka: US AUROCHS ARE GONNA PLAY . . . THE AL BHED PSYCHES -- !!  
  
Some Guy: Alright. (puts the info into tournament brackets)  
  
Wakka: (yells in the Al Bhed Captain's face) See YOU in the sphere pool!  
  
(The Al Bhed Captain is now levelling a rocket launcher at Wakka)  
(Wakka hides behind Kimahri again)  
  
=*= 


	9. L'Operation du Requin Infer

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 9: L'OPERATION DU REQUIN INFER  
  
{Seymour talks to Botta and Keepa in his luxury seat}  
  
Seymour: So you "blizted" in high school?  
  
Botta: We sure did.   
  
Seymour: You probably had many beautiful teenage girls hanging off of you.  
  
(Botta and Keepa look at each other with a "we did?" look)  
  
Botta: Sure we did.   
  
Seymour: You also probably considered yourself "the man" with your blitzball uniform and letterman's jacket.  
  
(Botta and Keepa don't know what's a letterman's jacket)  
  
Botta: We did, sure.  
  
Seymour: (strokes his chin) And you still play blitzball, even now. (smashes his fist onto table) I DETEST BLITZBALL!!!!!! (stops yelling) Excuse me for that outburst. How rude of me. (chuckle)  
  
Keepa: That's cool, ya?  
  
Seymour: Yes, "cool". Now in your letter you told me that you wanted to overthrow your blitzball team. You, too, grow tired of this idiotic pasttime?   
  
Botta: What? Hate blitzball?! NEVER! I just hate my captain. He always --  
  
Seymour: (holds up his hand) You drive a hard bargain. I didn't expect two musclehead jocks to give up their livelihood so easily. Surely there must be something you want more than anything else? In exchange for your assistance, I will help you to attain it.  
  
Botta: I want Lulu.  
  
Keepa: BOTTA!!!!! You can't!   
  
Seymour: (clasps hands together)(dreamily) The thing you want more than anything is love? (squeal) Surely, I was expecting a blitzball player to ask for something trivial, like money . . . or, um, a steak.   
  
Keepa: (raises one finger) Actually, I was gonna ask for that.  
  
Seymour: But you -- you want nothing more than a female companion. Love is beautiful, isn't it?  
  
Botta: Lulu's hot!  
  
Keepa: Can I still have a steak?   
  
Seymour: A great, handsome, ancient play-actor named Ewan McGregor once said, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn . . . is to love, and be loved in return." (hugs Botta with tears streaming down his face) What is keeping you from getting your Lulu?  
  
Botta: CAPTAIN WAKKA. (shaking with rage)  
  
Seymour: We are in the same boat, I think! For you see, I desire Lady Summoner Yuna, but according to my consultants she has developed somewhat of a crush on a new blitzballer. I think his name's Craig.  
  
Botta: Woah, you like Yuna? (calculating) You know . . . Captain Wakka is her guardian.  
  
Seymour: To get to Yuna, I must kill Craig AND Wakka. She will be defenseless!  
  
Keepa: But Lulu is Yuna's guardian too.  
  
Botta: You idiot.  
  
Seymour: One thing at a time. First, I destroy blitz! Second, I pursue love! Are you truly willing to desert blitzball for Lulu and . . . (with disgust) a steak?  
  
Botta: YES, LORD SEYMOUR.  
  
Keepa: (whines) Botta!!!  
  
Botta: (to Keepa) Shut up, moron. He said we couldn't play blitzball, he didn't say one word about water polo.  
  
Keepa: But --   
  
Botta: (pointing to Keepa) He's undecided.  
  
Seymour: Well, think about it.  
  
{Keepa and Botta have a private discussion}  
  
Keepa: It's not right.  
  
Botta: What are you talking about? Everything's going our way, buddy!  
  
Keepa: You can't date Lulu! Chappu was going to marry her.  
  
Botta: You're forgetting that Chappu's dead.   
  
Keepa: That is SO wrong! And what about blitz?! Remember when blitzball used to be fun!?  
  
Botta: It's never fun when you're always on the bench.   
  
Keepa: Maybe if you stopped trying to kill Cap'n Wakka, he would put you in the game.  
  
Botta: I never thought of THAT before.  
  
Keepa: (smile)  
  
Botta: I never thought of THAT because it's a RETARDED IDEA.   
  
Keepa: Oh, jeez . . . .  
  
{Back to Seymour}  
  
Seymour: (to Keepa) Have you decided yet? My deceased father, (pretends to cry) Lord Jyskal (stops crying), used to say, "Never ride the fence on an issue. You might get a picket up your . . . posterior."  
  
Keepa: What?  
  
Seymour: My deceased mother (sob) used to say, "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of crisis, choose neutrality."  
  
Keepa: Um, pardon?  
  
Seymour: (shakes Keepa) ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT YOU WISHY-WASHY FOOL!?!?!?  
  
Keepa: Y-y-y-yesss M-M-Maester Sey-m-mourrr-ahhh. (still being shaken)  
  
Seymour: Hurray! (stops shaking Keepa and raises his arm gracefully like a ballerina) Let me tell you about my plan. I have dubbed it "L'Operation du Requin Infer".  
  
Botta: Is that in Al Bhed?  
  
Seymour: (sigh) No, you idiot. It's French.  
  
(Blank stares from Botta and Keepa)  
  
Seymour: It's a romance language.  
  
(More blank stares)  
  
Seymour: An ancient language from 1,000 years ago!! (groan) Fine, never mind. Anyway, the plan is simple -- we allow the happy little Spira citizens to view their blitzball tournament. After the final match is played -- BAM!!!!! We release water-based sinspawn into the sphere pool!!! ALL THE BLITZBALL PLAYERS WILL BE EATEN ALIVE!!!   
  
Keepa: Excuse me, but maesters aren't supposed to manipulate sinspawn.  
  
Seymour: Who said I'M handling the sinspawn? That's YOUR job!  
  
Botta: Kewl.   
  
Seymour: Don't arouse suspicion from your coach. Everything must appear as normal!   
  
(Seymour gives some last minute instructions and Botta and Keepa walk off to carry out his plan)  
  
Keepa: I can't believe a maester would act like that . . . .  
  
Botta: Man, that Jyskal Jr. is some fruitcake, but he sure gets good ideas, eh?  
  
=*= 


	10. COME BACK, TIDUS!!!

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 10: COME BACK, TIDUS!!!  
  
(Let's see what Auron's doing)  
{In Luca Cafe, Auron can see from the TV that the blitzball tournament is getting closer}  
  
Auron: The tournament's about to start. I leave. (hefts his huge combat blade over his shoulder and makes a dramatic exit)  
  
(Everyone in the cafe stares at him)  
  
Waitress: "You leave"?! How about "you pay for the three cups of coffee"!!  
  
(Auron re-enters the cafe)  
  
Auron: Put it on my tab.  
  
(Auron exits again)  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room A}  
(Wakka enters the room dejectedly)  
  
Datto: Oh, no.   
  
Jassu: Who are we playin', Cap'n?  
  
Wakka: (pretending to be sad) I'm sorry, but we're playing the . . . AL BHED PSYCHES!!!  
  
Aurochs: YEAH~!! (all the Aurochs jump up and down)  
  
Wakka: We gonna beat those bastards! (punches with left fist) We gonna make them cry! (punches with right fist) No AL BHED is gonna take home the trophy! (does karate action) HWAH-HAHHHH!!!   
  
Tidus: Hey, what's wrong with the Al Bhed? I met this nice Al Bhed girl named Rikku, and sh -- nyahhh.  
  
(Lulu dragged Tidus out of the locker room and into the hallway)  
  
Tidus: Woah, Lulu! (has a stupid grin on his face)  
  
Lulu: Stop being so insolent and listen. Do NOT mention the Al Bhed around Wakka. Ever.  
  
Tidus: Why not?  
  
Lulu: The Al Bhed is a tribe of desert-dwelling people who are adept when it comes to machina -- machines. 1,000 years ago, our world was very technologically advanced, but some people used the technology to create weapons of mass destruction. This displeased Yevon, and he sent Sin to destroy all the machina.  
  
Tidus: Yes ma'am, but what does that have to do with Wakka?  
  
Lulu: The teachings of Yevon claim that when we eliminate all "bad" elements, such as machina, from the world, Sin will go away. Until then, Sin is our punishment and the only way to rid our world of him comes at a great cost. And some people such as Wakka believe that it's the Al Bhed's fault Sin is still here.  
  
Tidus: Oh, come on! So we can't use ANY "machina"?   
  
Lulu: You just can't use "bad" machina.   
  
Tidus: Where can I get a copy of this list of "good" and "bad" machina?  
  
Lulu: You still don't take me seriously. I refuse to talk to you until you're mature enough to understand what a terrible, evil presence Sin is!  
  
(Lulu turns on Tidus and gracefully walks away)  
(Meanwhile, Tidus is thinking of all the machina things he had back in Zanarkand 1,000 years ago)  
  
Tidus: So this is my punishment . . . .  
  
(He's homesick)  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room B -- Al Bhed Psyches}  
(Captain of the Al Bhed Psyches walks in)  
(All the Al Bhed players look up)  
  
Eigaar: (player for the Psyches) [Who are we playing, captain?]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [We're playing the Besaid Aurochs.]  
  
Psyches: [HURRAY~!!!!]  
  
Judda: (other player for Psyches) [We can win easily.]  
  
Nimrook: (yet another player with a weird name) [Then why do you look so pissed off, captain?]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Wakka of the Aurochs is an ignorant jerk. I nearly blew his head off today. But I have great self-control.]  
  
Eigaar: [We can surely kick his ass in the tournament.]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [That's not all. Summoner Yuna is with him. I think Wakka is her guardian.]  
  
Nimrook: [THE summoner?!!!]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [That's right. We have to kidnap her, and we've even got Maester Seymour on our side. Who wants to kidnap Yuna?]  
  
(The Psyches all argue about who gets to kidnap Yuna)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Oh, would you shut up?!?! ALL of us can kidnap Yuna!]  
  
Psyches: [WOO-HOO~!!!!]  
  
=*=  
  
{In the hallway outside the Aurochs' locker room}  
  
(Tidus is sittin' on the floor with his fist propping his chin up)  
(Yuna runs up)  
  
Yuna: (out of breath) Hello.  
  
Tidus: Hey. What're you so happy about?  
  
Yuna: I heard that Sir Auron was spotted in a cafe near here!  
  
(Tidus knows an "Auron" from 1,000 years ago!)  
  
Tidus: (stands up)(screams out happily) AURON?!?!?!?! I gotta talk to him!!!! He came here, too?! . . . Wait a sec. Are we talking about the same Auron? Old guy with one of his eyes gouged out, has a jug of liquor or something like that?  
  
Yuna: (really quickly) Yes.  
  
(Tidus grabs Yuna's arm)  
  
Tidus: Let's go find him.   
  
(They run)  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room A -- Besaid Aurochs}  
  
Wakka: (stops doing karate moves all of a sudden) Hey, where's brudda at?  
  
Letty: He was here a minute ago.  
  
Wakka: (looks under benches and in sports lockers) Hello?! Tidus? Ohh-h, jeez.  
  
Jassu: What now?  
  
Wakka: The game's about to start!!! WE NEED HIM TO BE THE LEFT FORWARD!!!!  
  
Datto: (cough) Too bad, ya?  
  
Wakka: And where's my goal-keepa?!?!  
  
(He has a funny accent!!!)  
  
(Botta and Keepa suddenly enter the room)  
  
Wakka: WHERE exactly were you two at!?  
  
Botta: We were, uh, lookin' for the bathroom, eh?  
  
Keepa: (runs up to Wakka) Wakka, I need to tell y --  
  
Wakka: Not now. Get ready for the game, Keepa!!! Botta -- we need you to fill a position.  
  
Botta: (was frowning but is now grinning hugely) ME?! PLAY? IN THE GAME?!?!  
  
Wakka: Yeah, you!! . . . (mutters insistently to himself!) BRUDDA, PLEASE GET BACK HERE . . . . !!!!!  
  
Botta: I'm not on the bench! I'm not on the bench! (does a little dance)  
  
(Keepa whispers to Botta: "But what about the sinspawn . . . ?")  
  
=*= 


	11. Play to Win, Pray to Win

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 11: PLAY TO WIN, PRAY TO WIN  
  
(Tidus keeps dragging Yuna all over Luca looking for Auron)  
  
Yuna: Excuse me, Tidus?  
  
Tidus: Yeah, what? (still running at top speed)  
  
Yuna: You're . . . hurting . . . my arm . . . and I . . . can't . . . run . . . this . . . fast!!!  
  
(Tidus slows down and releases Yuna's arm)  
  
Tidus: Sorry Yuna. (he's still jogging in place) But if we slow down, Auron might just keep getting further away. Then we'll never find him! He walks pretty fast for an old guy, you know?  
  
Yuna: (smile)  
  
Tidus: Listen -- I'm gonna run ahead a little bit. Do you mind?  
  
Yuna: I don't know . . . if it's safe for me . . . to be wandering around alone.  
  
Tidus: Well, if you get in trouble, just whistle. (puts his fingers in his mouth and demonstrates with an ear splitting whistle)  
  
(Yuna tries to mimic his whistle and spits all over everything)  
  
Yuna: Oh, I'm sorry!!  
  
Tidus: (wiping his shirt off) That's OK. You know, on second thought, if you get in trouble, just scream really loud or call the police or something. SEE YA!!! (runs off at 50 mph)  
  
Yuna: . . . . police?  
  
=*=  
  
(The Al Bhed Psyches are behind a wall spying on Yuna)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [There she is. Unguarded. Pathetic.]  
  
Eigaar: [Can I grab her?]  
  
Kyou: (another Psyche) [Oh, that sounds so dirty.]  
  
Eigaar: [I meant -- you know what I meant!]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Hurry up. We need to be back at the stadium -- (looks at digital watch) -- in like three seconds!]  
  
Nimrook: [You're right.] (takes out remote control and toys around with it)  
  
(Al Bhed mechscouter robots get released into Luca)  
  
Nimrook: [These are to distract Yuna's guardians while we humiliate the Aurochs in blitzball!]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Yeah, yeah. Now capture Yuna!]  
  
Eigaar: [Using the less technological approach . . . .]  
  
(Eigaar jumps out, covers Yuna's mouth, and drags her into the shadows)  
  
Yuna: (thinking) Wakka and Lulu are busy . . . Tidus ran away . . . KIMAHRI, I NEED YOU!!! (she struggles but the Psyches easily overpower her)  
  
{Meanwhile, somewhere else, Kimahri is busy getting beat up by two other Ronso, so he's kind of distracted right now.}  
  
=*=  
  
{Somewhere else}  
(Lulu is strolling around aimlessly)  
(Lulu trips over Kimahri)  
  
Kimahri: Ruhh.  
  
Lulu: Kimahri, what are you doing on the floor?  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri get ass kicked.  
  
Lulu: Get up.   
  
Kimahri: One minute please.  
  
Lulu: Where's Yuna?  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri not know.  
  
Lulu: You call yourself a guardian?  
  
Kimahri: Lulu is also a guardian. What Lulu think of THAT?  
  
Lulu: (flustered) Don't you throw that argument in my face!!!  
  
(The captain of the Al Bhed Psyches clamps his hand over Lulu's mouth and drags her to a deserted area!!)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: (in English) We kidnapped your summoner. Tell the Aurochs that if they lose the match against the Psyches, Yuna lives. (releases Lulu and runs off really fast)  
  
=*=  
  
(The Aurochs pray before the game)  
  
Wakka: Please help us. Please, please, please help us, oh great and powerful Yevon. (distracted, he is keeping his eye on the locker room door waiting for Tidus to come back)  
  
Botta: Why don't we just pray to win?  
  
Wakka: You can't pray to win, you have to PLAY TO WIN, like brudda says!  
  
Botta: (grumbles)  
  
Wakka: We really, really, really want to win the match. That is just a suggestion. If you don't want us to win, that is OK. But we really wanna win! Like a LOT. You have no idea. Amen? No, wait, P.S. -- I'm not done yet, Yevon!!! That was a fake amen.  
  
Jassu: Hmm, Cap'n Wakka's prayer sucks this year.  
  
Letty: You remember what happened LAST year.  
  
Jassu: Oh yeah.  
  
(The door suddenly opens)  
  
Wakka: IS IT -- oh it's just Lulu. What, WHAT?!!! We're praying here, ya?  
  
Lulu: Don't bite my head off, Wakka! The Al Bhed kidnapped Yuna.  
  
Wakka: (screams) WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!  
  
Lulu: They implied that they would kill her if you won the match vs. the Al Bhed Psyches. You need to forfeit to save her.  
  
Wakka: DAMN it!!!!!!! (rubbing his hand on his face)  
  
Lulu: You have to decide now, Wakka. What is more important, your job as a blitzball player, or your job as a summoner's guardian?  
  
Wakka: Screw those stupid, inbred, Al Bhed bastards!!!!! I HATE 'EM!!!!!!   
  
Lulu: The opening ceremonies are happening. (quietly) This is why I don't like blitzball. (leaves)  
  
Wakka: (makes sobbing noises) What do I do?!  
  
Botta: Psst, Wakka -- Yuna lived a nice, full life, eh?  
  
Keepa: Botta, shut up.  
  
=*=  
  
(Opening ceremonies include filling the huge, sphere-shaped pool with water which projects small rainbows of light everywhere)  
(The stadium is packed with excited blitzball fans running all over the place)  
  
Announcer #1: This moment always makes me get a tear in my eye.  
  
Announcer #2: Exactly one tear?  
  
Announcer #1: Yes. (wipes tear away) Whew, good to get that out of the way. And now for the Maesters' Address.  
  
(Maester Mika [old priest] and Maester Seymour address the crowd.)  
  
Seymour: May the best team win. (smirk) A hah hah hah. (claps hands excitedly)  
  
Mika: Lord Seymour, it is sincerely good to see you enjoying yourself.  
  
Seymour: You have no idea, old man.  
  
(Everyone does the Yevon handshake)  
  
{At the entrance to the stadium}  
  
Auron: Just in time. (slowly, dramatically walks up the stairs to the stadium)   
  
(Everyone nervously clears a path for him)  
  
=*= 


	12. My best memories are here . . . ?

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 12: MY BEST MEMORIES ARE HERE . . . ?  
  
{Tidus searches Luca Cafe, but Auron has already left}  
  
Tidus: Damn. (looks at TV) THE GAME!! I'm not there!! Wakka's gonna kill me!  
  
(On TV)  
Announcer #1: (removes earplugs) Well, that was a stunning rendition of the Spira Anthem!! Now, the first match is the Besaid Aurochs vs. the Al Bhed Psyches -- OH, and there's the blitzoff! The ball is in the Aurochs' possession, but that could change any minute now!  
  
(Back to Tidus)  
  
Tidus: (watching TV) Uh-oh. Wakka doesn't look so good.  
  
Lulu: THERE YOU ARE!  
  
(Lulu and Kimahri run up to join Tidus)  
  
Tidus: No need to send out a search party. I know I'm late for the game and stuff, but --   
  
Lulu: (cuts him off) Yuna's been kidnapped by the Al Bhed Psyches and they'll kill her unless Wakka throws the match. (points to TV) Hmm, how stupid of us to leave her alone!  
  
Tidus: Ehehehe. (puts his hand on the back of his head) Yeah, who was retarded enough to abandon her in the middle of a big city like this?  
  
Kimahri: (growl) Less talk, more looking for Yuna.  
  
=*=  
  
{In the sphere pool -- Aurochs vs. Psyches}   
(Blitzball is played kind of like underwater soccer/basketball)  
  
(Jassu grabs the ball during the blitzoff and swims towards the goal at a medium pace)  
(All the Aurochs are looking to Captain Wakka for instruction)  
  
Wakka: . . . .   
  
(Wakka was having flashbacks that affected his gameplay)  
  
=*=  
  
{Flashback to 10 years ago -- Yuna was 7, Wakka was 13}  
  
(13 year old Wakka kicked a blitzball down the beach on Besaid Island)  
(Little girl Yuna put her foot on the blitzball and stopped it)  
  
Wakka: Hey, give it here, ya?  
  
(Yuna picked up his ball and ran away)  
  
Wakka: Hey, little girl! That's mine!  
  
(Yuna laughed at him)  
  
Wakka: Oh, you think this is funny, ya?  
  
(Wakka chased Yuna and caught up to her in like 3 strides)  
(He easily picked Yuna up and held her at arm's length)  
(Yuna hugged his blitzball tightly with a grin on her face)  
  
Wakka: Where'd you come from?  
  
Yuna: Play with me.   
  
Wakka: Where are your parents!  
  
Yuna: They went to the Farplane. [meaning they're dead]  
  
Wakka: Oh. Mine too. (cough cough) Can I please have my ball now?  
  
Yuna: I wanna play.   
  
Wakka: Oh, jeez. Fine, you can play.  
  
(Yuna sucked at blitzball, so Wakka settled for rolling the ball back and forth on the sand)  
(Wakka looked very bored, but Yuna was having the time of her life)  
(The sun went down)  
  
Wakka: I'm going home. (picks up blitzball)   
  
(Yuna's lip trembled as Wakka left her)  
  
Wakka: (stopped and turned to Yuna) You're coming too, ya?  
  
Yuna: Yay!!!!   
  
(Yuna hugged onto Wakka's leg while he walked home)  
  
Wakka: Jeez, little girl.   
  
=*=  
  
{Back to present time in the sphere pool}  
  
Wakka: I can't let Yuna die. She's like my little sister!!! [blitzball players can talk underwater, kind of]  
  
(Wakka signals a play)  
  
{In the press box, the announcers are laughing}  
  
Announcer #1: Oh, Lordy!!! Wakka is signaling for his "Good Neighbor" play. Is this guy really that much of an idiot, or does he have alterior motives?  
  
{In the sphere pool, Jassu grudgingly swam up to an Al Bhed Psyche and held out the ball to him}  
(The player grabbed the ball and tackled Jassu for effect)  
  
{In the press box}  
  
Announcer #1: It almost looks like Wakka's THROWING the game. What's up with that?   
  
Announcer #2: (screaming) WAKKA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!   
  
{In the sphere pool}  
  
(The Aurochs all look at Wakka to see what to do next)  
(Wakka is having second thoughts about losing on purpose)  
  
Wakka: . . . .  
  
=*=  
  
{Flashback to 6 years ago -- Wakka was 17, Chappu and Lulu were 16, Yuna was 11}  
  
(Although his team was last in rank, Chappu was the top scorer of the Spira League)  
(After a game, the Aurochs left their locker room and Chappu was mobbed by fans)  
(Wakka and the rest of the Aurochs walked away, trying not to look disappointed)  
(Chappu escaped from his fans and fell into step beside Wakka)  
  
Wakka: (bitterly!) Don't you wanna go feed your ego off of your fan club over there? (he frowned hugely)  
  
Chappu: No. (shrugged) Let's go celebrate. We won, ya?  
  
Wakka: Don't feel like it.  
  
Chappu: (sighed and looked up at the sky) What's wrong?  
  
Wakka: Shut up you fucking moron.   
  
Chappu: (heaved a really big sigh) Oh, I see. It's like that now. You're jealous of me.  
  
Wakka: Jealous of YOU? WRONG. (forced laughing) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Jealous of you! Lettin' all of that praise get to ya head, are ya, brudda?!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !!  
  
(Wakka continued laughing loudly while Chappu talked, so Chappu had to keep talking louder and louder)  
  
Chappu: You know that I'm the top scorer in the league! I'm practically carrying the team! I am not bein' all conceited, neither! (Wakka: --HA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!) IT'S TRUE!! IT'S STATEMENT OF FACT!!! YOU'RE ONLY MAD BECAUSE I'M A BETTER BLITZBALLER THAN YOU!!!!!!!  
  
Wakka: HA . . . RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  
  
(Wakka jumped Chappu and began pounding his head into the ground mercilessly)  
(Even though Chappu was younger and better at blitzball than Wakka, Wakka was still bigger!)  
(Their fight was gathering an audience)  
  
Chappu Fangirl: HEY! That guy is beating up Chappu! Somebody stop him~!!  
  
(Wakka heard this and got even more mad so he began to strangle Chappu)  
  
Wakka: Who's the better blitzer now? HUH? HUH?????????   
  
Chappu: (tried to talk but he was choking)  
  
Wakka: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: (tugged on Lulu's arm) Lulu, make them stop.  
  
Lulu: Break it up. (takes out Cactuar doll)   
  
(Wakka and Chappu were suddenly engulfed by flames thanks to Lulu's Fire spell)  
  
Wakka: AAAAAARGH. (released Chappu and ran around screaming because his hair was on fire)  
  
(Chappu still lay on the floor. Wakka had beat him unconscious. Lulu knelt down by him.)  
  
Lulu: (cradled Chappu's head) Are you OK?  
  
Chappu: (opened his eyes) Uhhhhh. Why am I on fire?  
  
Lulu: (glared at Wakka) Why did you attack him?  
  
Wakka: I -- the thing is -- because -- Lulu -- !!  
  
Lulu: Jealousy is no reason to act that way.  
  
Wakka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!   
  
=*=  
  
{Back in the sphere pool}  
  
(Wakka wrenched the ball from an Al Bhed Psyche's hands and started swimming furiously towards the goal)  
  
Wakka: I'm gonna score. I'm gonna score on my own.  
  
{In the press box}  
  
Announcer #2: (screaming) GO WAKKA!!!! GOOOOOO!!! SHOW THE AL BHED WHAT FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Announcer #1: The Aurochs are going for it! -- Wait, Wakka stopped moving.  
  
Announcer #2: . . . Oh, JEEZ!!! (pulls his hair out) What's he doing NOW?!  
  
{In the sphere pool}  
  
(Wakka stopped)  
  
Wakka: . . . .   
  
Aurochs: Oh, man.  
  
=*=  
  
{Flashback to one year ago -- Wakka was 22 and Chappu was 21}  
  
Wakka: (shrieked) WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!  
  
Chappu: This is why I didn't wanna tell you, ya? I knew you would scream like that. Oh, jeez, I hate when you scream like that; it's girly!!  
  
Wakka: I'm not screamin' no more! (shook Chappu and screamed again) You can't! YOU CAN'T JOIN THE CRUSADERS!!!  
  
Chappu: It's too late. My ship leaves in one week.   
  
Wakka: (very sarcastic) Oh, great. Just GREAT. My little brudda is joined up with the CRUSADERS. The very group that got EXCOMMUNICATED from the TEMPLE OF YEVON!!!  
  
Chappu: You had no problem with 'em before.  
  
Wakka: That was before YOU (pointed in Chappu's face) became ONE of 'em! You know what I heard? The Crusaders use machina weapons! Is that true? (Chappu didn't respond) IS IT TRUE?  
  
Chappu: Don't freak out on me, ya? The important thing is that the Crusaders' mission is like this -- to defeat Sin. That sounds nice to me no matter what else. Don't you wanna avenge our parents?  
  
Wakka: WHO CARES about our parents! Sin killed 'em when we were babies. Please stop bein' so stupid and stay in Besaid! What about blitzball? That tournament's comin' up! You gonna give up your career to ENLIST?  
  
Chappu: Yes.  
  
Wakka: (made frustrated noises and lashed out with his fists) You -- CHAPPU!!!!   
  
Chappu: I made my decision. I can't back out now.  
  
Wakka: Rrrrrrr. (clenched his fingers at Chappu)  
  
(Wakka turned his back on Chappu and abandoned him)  
  
{Wakka and Chappu did not talk for the whole week}  
(On the morning of Chappu's departure, Chappu spent his last minutes in Besaid staring out at the ocean.)  
  
(Wakka quietly walked on the sand and stood next to Chappu)  
(Wakka was holding something behind his back)  
  
Wakka: Hey.  
  
Chappu: What's up.  
  
Wakka: Couldn't let you leave without . . . without . . . uh . . . (scratched the back of his head)  
  
(Wakka and Chappu studied their feet for five minutes without talking)  
  
Chappu: (suddenly) Hey, when I'm out killin' Sin, can you hang on to somethin' for me? I might drop it, ya know?  
  
Wakka: Yeah, sure. What is it?  
  
(Chappu took a ring out of his pocket and held it out to Wakka)  
  
Wakka: (mockingly put his hand on his cheek and said in a girly voice) Oh, this is so sudden!  
  
Chappu: (smacked Wakka) This isn't for you, stupid. It's (ahem) it's for Lulu.  
  
Wakka: Lulu?! You . . . ring . . . Lulu!? (stammered)  
  
Chappu: (laughed nervously) Yeah, I like that girl.  
  
Wakka: (held up hand) LULU?  
  
Chappu: I know she been like a bitch, then like "just a friend", but now it's different.  
  
Wakka: (jaw dropped)  
  
Chappu: I know you surprised! But, hey, how about this? Me and the Crusaders kill Sin so fast that I be back here in time for the tournament! Then we can go to Luca and OBLITERATE the competition. Then after we win, we have this big celebration with food and stuff. And I can propose. (got down on one knee) How's this?  
  
Wakka: (mumbled vaguely) Yeah that's nice. (snapped out of it) Hey, I got you a going-away present.  
  
Chappu: A present? For me? Cool.  
  
(Wakka removed Brotherhood sword from behind his back and held it out to Chappu)  
(Chappu looked at it)  
  
Wakka: Well I thought about it. If your thing is to fight Sin in the army, then I gotta support you in that. So over the past week I spent my entire salary on gettin' this made for you . . . .  
  
Chappu: (hesitated) But -- the Crusaders, they -- I don't have any use for --  
  
Wakka: Now I'm kind of in debt, but . . . . WHAT A COOL SWORD!!! (jabbed at invisible fiend and did some swordsman action) And it's all yours! Man, I was tempted to keep this baby for myself. But what would I do with it, ya? YOU'RE the one who's gotta go defeat Sin.   
  
(Wakka remembered to offer the sword to Chappu handle first)  
(Chappu took it)  
  
Chappu: Thanks.  
  
Wakka: No need to thank me. Hell, it's not even a very good sword, ya? On my salary I could barely afford a butter knife. (still thought it was a very good sword, just being humble)  
  
Chappu: I gotta go -- I'll miss my boat.   
  
Wakka: (tried to think of something appropriate to say) Don't die!  
  
(Chappu screamed out "Good advice!" while running to catch his boat)  
  
{Chappu did not come back in time for the Luca tournament that year. During halftime of the Aurochs' first match, Wakka found out that his brother was killed by Sin in a Crusader mission}  
  
Wakka: Damn it, Chappu!!!!!  
  
{The Aurochs lost}  
  
=*=  
  
{Back in the sphere pool}  
(Everybody in the pool was staring at Wakka, even the Psyches)  
  
(Wakka s-l-o-w-l-y extended his arm to the Al Bhed Captain and handed him the blitzball)  
(The Al Bhed Captain grabbed it from him)  
  
{In the press box}  
  
Announcer #2: (a fountain of tears is gushing from his eyes) Nooooo! Wakka IS throwing the game! Why? WHY? WHYYYYYYY?!?!? (cries onto Announcer #1's shoulder)  
  
Announcer #1: GET OFF!  
  
{In the sphere pool}  
  
(All the Aurochs look at Wakka with a "Why?!" look on their faces)  
(Wakka waved dismissively at them but he was thinking to himself)  
  
Wakka: (thinking to himself) If you make me choose between blitzball and avenging my brother, I'll do the second one every time. Yuna has to live to kill Sin. I would do anything to see that day. No contest.   
  
=*= 


	13. GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!!

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 13: GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!!  
  
{In the maester's luxury box seat}  
(They're watching the tournament)  
  
Seymour: (smirk) That large man with the sticking up hair [he's talking about Wakka], he is guardian to Lady Yuna, is he not? Does it appear as if he is . . . (chuckle) . . . LOSING on PURPOSE?  
  
Mika: I suppose so. Why do you ask?  
  
Seymour: No reason. (smirks bigger) Please, Lord Mika, excuse me for one moment.   
  
(Seymour nodded to his bodyguards)  
(They all got up and left the stadium)  
  
=*=  
  
{Somewhere else in the stadium -- less luxurious seats}  
(Auron is leaning on the wall, tapping his foot)  
  
Auron: (mumbles to himself) Where's Jecht's kid . . . ?   
  
=*=  
  
{"Jecht's kid" [Tidus], Lulu, and Kimahri were searching for Yuna around the ports of Luca}  
  
Tidus: (cupping his hand over his mouth) YUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAA?!   
  
Lulu: Stop that, that clearly won't work.   
  
Tidus: Do you have a better idea?  
  
Lulu: I will think of one when you stop yelling.  
  
(An Al Bhed mechscouter robot appeared)  
  
Kimahri: Rrrrrrrghhh. Machina. (prepares to kill it)  
  
Tidus: I'll field this. (swung Brotherhood like an axe and connected with the robot)  
  
(The robot fell apart)  
  
Tidus: Dadadada-DAdadadada (singing victory music for himself)  
  
Lulu: You're a clumsy swordsman.  
  
Tidus: Got the job done, didn't it?  
  
(Lulu looks at Tidus intently)  
  
=*=  
  
{Yuna's being held hostage by some non-blitzball-playing Al Bhed at Dock #4}  
  
Al Bhed #1: [Don't try to escape, cutie. It will make us very mad.]  
  
(Yuna spoke in Al Bhed!)  
Yuna: [If you will not let me go, at least tell me why you have captured me.]  
  
Al Bhed #2: [You're safer here.]  
  
Yuna: [Will you kill me?]  
  
Al Bhed #1: [That depends.]  
  
Yuna: (nervously) Ohhh-h . . . .  
  
(Maester Seymour appeared with his five bodyguards)  
  
Seymour: (breaths in deeply) Lady Yuna, it is a pleasure to see you! (does Yevon handshake)  
  
(Yuna's hands are tied up so she can't return the gesture)  
  
Seymour: (to Al Bhed) Excellent. You did just as I asked and brought Lady Yuna here.  
  
(The two Al Bhed don't understand his English)  
  
Seymour: (sighs)(speaks loudly with hand gestures) YOU, GOOD JOB. IS OK, YES?  
  
(The two Al Bhed smiled and nodded uncomprehendingly)  
  
Yuna: M-Maester Seymour!! Y-you . . . ASKED them to kidnap me?  
  
Seymour: Only because your beauty fills my heart with such joy.   
  
Yuna: (blush!) Excuse m-me?  
  
(Seymour put his fingers under Yuna's chin)  
  
Seymour: I see you are too young to understand such emotions. I suspect in the near future, you will mature quite a lot. Until then -- (removes his hand from Yuna's face) -- I leave you in peace. As for your "blitzballing" friends, they shall be taken care of.   
  
(The Al Bhed kept grinning stupidly because they don't understand what's going on)  
  
Seymour: (gesturing to the Al Bhed) KEEP HER HERE. I WILL COME FOR HER LATER.  
  
(As Seymour left, he put 1278654 gil in the first Al Bhed's shirt pocket. He patted the second one on the cheek.)  
  
Al Bhed #2: [Hey some of that money is mine!]  
  
Al Bhed #1: [Then why is it in MY pocket?]   
  
(They argue)  
  
Al Bhed #1: [Let's go bet this on the tournament.]  
  
Al Bhed #2: [I get half.]  
  
Al Bhed #1: [You can have 50 gil.]  
  
Al Bhed #2: [You asshole!]  
  
(They start to leave)  
(Yuna coughs)  
(They stop leaving)  
  
Al Bhed #1: [Damn. One of us has to stay and watch Yuna. Um -- you!]  
  
Al Bhed #2: [NO FAIR! I wanna watch the Psyches play!]  
  
Al Bhed #1: [Screw this. Let's just put Yuna in that robot thing I invented.]  
  
Yuna: [You can go. I won't try to escape.]  
  
Al Bhed #2: [Yeah right!!]  
  
(They pick up Yuna and put her in a robot device)  
  
Al Bhed #1: [That is that. Let's go.]  
  
=*=  
  
{Tidus, Lulu, and Kimahri keep looking for Yuna}  
  
Tidus: She should be in one of these ports -- but which one?  
  
(Two Al Bhed exit from Port #4 beating each other up)   
  
Lulu: Probably that one.  
  
(They ran to Port #4)  
  
Tidus: YUUUUUUUUUUN--UHH.   
  
(Kimahri butted Tidus in the stomach)  
  
Yuna: (muffled) Heeeeelp.   
  
(They see the machina device that Yuna's imprisoned in)  
  
Tidus: Yuna's in there? I'll get her out. (whacks at device with Brotherhood)  
  
(It has no affect)  
  
Lulu: (takes out Cait Sith doll)  
  
Tidus: Hey that's cute. Can I play w--   
  
Lulu: (shoves Tidus out of the way and casts Thunder spell at the device)   
  
(The device was disassembled and Yuna stepped out)  
  
Yuna: Thank you.   
  
(Lulu inspects Yuna)  
  
Lulu: What did they do to you?  
  
Yuna: They didn't hurt me. They wouldn't.  
  
Lulu: Oh, that's right.  
  
Yuna: Can somebody please untie me?  
  
=*=  
  
{They ran out of the port and back into Luca}  
  
Tidus: The match!  
  
(They stopped to watch the blitz match on a TV screen)  
  
=*=  
  
{What's happening in the blitz stadium is shown on TV!}  
(In the stadium)  
  
(As an Al Bhed is passing the ball to a teammate, it accidentally falls into Wakka's hands)  
  
Wakka: (sobs as he performs the "Good Neighbor" play yet again)  
  
(The Al Bhed Captain accepts the ball from him, then grins and tackles him in the groin)  
(The Aurochs watch as their captain doubles over with the most hilarious expression ever on his face!!!)  
  
Announcer #2: (put his hands on his face in shock) OH MY GOD!! Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Wakka of the Besaid Aurochs has just been BLITZED IN THE BALLS!!!  
  
(The spectators groaned at his pun)  
(Wakka groaned in pain)  
  
Botta: Ehehehehehe.  
  
{In the press box}  
Announcer #1: That was uncalled for!!  
  
Announcer #2: Sorry, I couldn't resist makin' the joke. A hah hah.  
  
Announcer #1: No, I mean that tackle was clearly out of line! Regulation Spira League tackles are not allowed below the belt! WHY haven't the refs called a foul?  
  
(The game is put on hold while the referees talked)  
{The referees discuss the play in secret}  
  
Referee #1: Oh, MAN. That is clearly a personal foul.  
  
Referee #2: Who cares? I have 2000 gil riding on the Al Bhed Psyches. Let's not call 'em out on it.  
  
Referee #1: How would you like it if somebody kicked you? Have you no sympathy?!?!  
  
Referee #2: Oh, fine. Can we see the video one more time?  
  
(They replay the video of Wakka getting injured)   
  
Referee #2: Wait, can we see that one more time? I haven't decided yet.  
  
(They replayed the video of Wakka's injury about 5 more times)  
  
=*=  
  
{Back to where Tidus, Yuna, Lulu, and Kimahri were watching this on TV}  
(The footage of Wakka is being replayed for the 27th time)  
  
Tidus: I can't watch this anymore. (covers his eyes with his hands)  
  
(Lulu watches Wakka in his pained state on the TV)  
  
Lulu: What a clumsy idiot. If it were Chappu, he'd still be standing.  
  
Tidus: (uncovers his eyes) Woah! Chappu must have had balls of steel.  
  
Kimahri: Rrrrrrrr.   
  
(On TV, the refs decided not to call a personal foul)  
  
Yuna: Is Wakka throwing the game . . . for me?  
  
Lulu: Oh no, I almost forgot about Wakka!!! (shot a flare into the sky with a Thunder spell)  
  
=*=  
  
{Back in the sphere pool}  
(The game resumed)  
  
Wakka: Owwwwww.   
  
Jassu: Are you OK Cap'n Wakka?  
  
Wakka: (grits his teeth) YES.  
  
Letty: We'll destroy 'em for you, Cap'n.  
  
Wakka: No, don't.   
  
(Wakka suddenly saw Lulu's flare signal thing that means "Yuna is safe so you can win the game now")  
  
Letty: Oh. (holding the ball) I guess I'll just perform the "Good Neighbor" play agai--  
  
Wakka: (looking at flare) NO!!!!! New play, new play!!!  
  
(Wakka signals a play)  
  
Announcer #2: It looks like Wakka, even in his crippled state, is calling for an all out offensive!!!  
  
(Letty passes the ball to Wakka)  
(Wakka swims towards goal)  
(The Aurochs try to block the Psyches)  
  
Botta: (blocking the Al Bhed Captain) Ya better not try to kick me in the crotch, eh?  
  
(The Al Bhed Captain kicked Botta in the face)  
  
(Wakka swam directly into the Psyches' goalkeeper's face and drop-kicked the ball)  
(The goalkeeper couldn't block it!)  
  
Announcer #2: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!! . . . sorry, I couldn't resist that either!  
  
(BUZZER SOUNDED -- end of the match!!!!)  
(THE AUROCHS WON 1-0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
Wakka: Yyyes. We did it. UHhhhh? (went into fetal position and began floating face-down in the water)  
  
Announcer #1: Somebody better get him some medical attention . . . . NOW GET HIM OUT OF THE POOL SO WE CAN SEE THE NEXT MATCH!  
  
Announcer #2: (jumped on the press table and is doing a grind-y victory dance) The Aurochs won!! WHOO!!! WHOO!!! TAKE THAT, AL BHED!!!!!  
  
=*= 


	14. NO MERCY

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 14: NO MERCY  
  
{It takes 5 Aurochs to drag Wakka out of the sphere pool}  
  
Letty: (to Wakka) You are my hero, sir!  
  
Jassu: That was -- wow. Just, wow.  
  
Datto: You are THE greatest man alive.  
  
Wakka: (unconscious) . . . .  
  
=*=  
  
{Back in the press box}  
  
(Announcer #2 fell off the press table from doing his victory dance and knocked over all the sound equipment)  
  
(Everybody in the bleachers covered their ears as this caused lots of screeching noises and static over the sound system)  
  
Announcer #1: Thank you, Captain Idiot. Now we have to use the back-up mic. (takes out bullhorn and yells in it) Ladies and gentleman, I am sorry! We are having some problems with our sound system! The next match will be delayed --  
  
Audience: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!  
  
Announcer #2: (gets up off the floor) Do something, they're gonna start a riot!  
  
Announcer #1: (through bullhorn) Please do not start a riot!  
  
Somebody in the audience: Hey, a riot, that's a good idea!  
  
Announcer #1: (through bullhorn) No, I said DO NOT start a riot! Don't worry, people, while we repair the sound equipment, you will all be treated to a "halftime" show featuring beautiful women --  
  
Guys in audience: Oooooh.  
  
Announcer #1: -- of the Ronso tribe --  
  
Guys in audience: Aww.  
  
Announcer #1: -- doing a synchronized swimming routine!  
  
Guys in audience: Auuuuugh!!  
  
{Where Auron is standing}  
  
Auron: I have not the time for this. (pause) Amendment to my previous statement -- although technically I do possess the time necessary to partake in spectatorship of this event, I do not wish to spend it so idly.   
  
(A bunch of female Ronso begin a synchronized swimming routine in the sphere pool)  
  
Auron: Well, maybe five more minutes.  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room A -- Besaid Aurochs}  
(Wakka is sprawled out on a bench)  
  
Datto: Hey, you think we should get a doctor, ya? This is the kind of injury that can end a guy's blitzball career -- I, um, think.  
  
Wakka: (with his eyes still closed) nnngh . . . I don't need a doctor . . . .  
  
Jassu: You sure, Cap'n? Maybe you need to get it bandaged or something.  
  
Wakka: Definitely NOT. Just drop it, guys.  
  
Datto: Wh -- ?  
  
(Tidus, Yuna, and Lulu enter)  
(Kimahri is watching the "halftime" show so he's not there)  
  
Tidus: Where's Wakka? Is he dead? Oh no it's my fault!  
  
Lulu: I doubt he's dead, but he might be severely crippled.  
  
Yuna: This is all MY fault.   
  
Lulu: Please stop blaming yourself.  
  
Yuna: Then it's Tidus' fault?  
  
Tidus: NO! It's Lulu's fault.  
  
Lulu: Incorrect.   
  
Tidus: So it IS Yuna's fault!  
  
Lulu: Please stop talking. (to Aurochs) Is Wakka OK?  
  
(Wakka gestured for Yuna, Lulu, and Tidus to come near to him)  
(They walked to stand by him)  
  
Wakka: How can you get kidnapped by the Al Bhed, Yuna?   
  
Yuna: I'm sorry.  
  
Wakka: (sigh) At least you're safe. (to Lulu) Thank you for rescuing her . . . and letting me play. You know, blitzball is important to . . . it's . . . I . . . (can't finish his sentence)  
  
(Lulu does not say anything)  
  
Wakka: (looks at Tidus)  
  
Tidus: (clasps onto Wakka's hand) I'm here for ya, man!  
  
(Wakka grabs Tidus' shirt and shakes him angrily)  
  
Wakka: WHY DID YOU LEAVE?! GRRRRRRRHAHHHH!!! WE NEEDED YOU TO BE OUR LEFT FORWARD!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: AHHH CUT IT OUT WAKKA!!!  
  
Wakka: (lets go of Tidus and suddenly sits up, panicking) Did we win? Did we?!  
  
Jassu: YEAH, man!! We did it! We advance to the finals!!!!  
  
(All the Aurochs start jumping around smashing stuff in celebration)  
  
Wakka: We . . . won? (disbelieving)  
  
Botta: (vibrating with happiness) Did you see it? I played in the game! I was not on the bench!! (bouncing on his toes)   
  
Keepa: (smiling) You see how much fun blitz can be?  
  
Botta: Y-yeah!! (his hands are clenched into fists and he is grinning weirdly) I'm one of the team -- I'm an Auroch -- I'm a blitzballer!!  
  
(Wakka accepts the fact that they won and suddenly screams out happily)  
  
Wakka: YEAH!!! We DID it! For once WE ACTUALLY DID IT!!! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! (tightly hugs Tidus and Yuna at the same time)   
  
Tidus & Yuna: (uncomfortably) ehehehe?  
  
(Wakka notices the sword Tidus held in his hand)  
  
Wakka: Hey brudda, why you did dent it up, ya?  
  
Tidus: Oh, you mean this? (Brotherhood has scratches and dents on it from when he used it to help rescue Yuna) I was using it to fight.   
  
(Wakka has a weird look on his face)  
  
Tidus: Jeez, sorry Wakka. I thought you gave it to me to use, not to keep as a souvenir. It's just a SWORD, isn't it?  
  
(Yuna, Lulu, Wakka, and all the Aurochs become very quiet all of a sudden)  
  
Tidus: What?  
  
Wakka: You still don't know about Chappu, ya?  
  
Tidus: No . . . who is this Chappu guy?  
  
Lulu: Read the engraving on the sword.  
  
(Tidus reads the engraving on the sword handle, which is a message from Wakka to his brother Chappu)  
  
(It says: "Chappu -- may this sword be a symbol of our bond as brothers")  
  
Tidus: Hey you engraved this sword wrong. My name is Tidus, not Chap --  
  
(Lulu hit Tidus in the back of the head)  
  
Tidus: That was just a little joke to lighten the mood. (rubs the back of his head)  
  
Wakka: Chappu was my younger brother. I gave him this sword when he enlisted with the Crusaders to fight Sin.  
  
Tidus: Wait -- "was" your younger brother?  
  
Wakka: He died in a combat mission. He never used the sword I gave to him because the Crusaders collaborated with the Al Bhed to use machina weapons.   
  
Tidus: I'm . . . sorry?  
  
Datto: Chappu was a good friend, ya? And he was the star player of the Aurochs before he left.  
  
Wakka: Oh he was, was he. (glares)  
  
Datto: Well, him AND you, uh, Cap'n Wakka.  
  
Wakka: (to Tidus) I guess I thought you were a little like Chappu at first. But you and him are different people, I can see that now. Keep the sword and use it well.   
  
Tidus: Thank you. (squirming around because he does not handle serious situations very well)  
  
=*=  
  
{Back to the synchronized swimming routine}  
(Kimahri and Auron are leaning against the wall watching the show)  
(They are within three yards of each other but they don't acknowledge each other)  
  
Auron: This show does not please me as much as I had hoped.  
  
(The show is a bunch of Ronso females swimming around while Announcer #1 plays synchronized swimming music using his bullhorn and a boombox)  
  
Spectators: GROOOOOOOAN. WE WANT BLITZBALL!!! WE WANT BLITZBALL!!!! WE WANT BLITZBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kimahri: (to audience) Be quiet!!! (points his lance weapon threateningly)  
  
(Somebody throws a rock at Kimahri)  
  
Kimahri: Rrrrgh!!  
  
(Kimahri throws his lance like a javelin; it spears into the bleachers and causes people in the audience nearby to scatter)  
  
Spectators: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!   
  
(People begin throwing trash and rocks and somebody pulls Kimahri's lance from the bleachers and swings it around their head while screaming out a war cry)  
  
(Kimahri began pummelling the guy who took his lance)  
  
(A riot breaks out and people began throwing stuff, getting into fistfights, or just running around in circles screaming)  
  
Auron: What boorish behavior --   
  
(A souvenir Spira League Blitzball paperweight bounces off the side of Auron's skull)  
  
Auron: !!!! (puts his hand on the side of his skull as his expression slowly changes to a frown) That's it. I can take so much and no more! Somebody is going to perish at my hands! NO MERCY!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Auron throws his well-developed left arm out of his coat and grips his "katana" blade tightly while disappearing into the crowd)  
  
(The sounds of Auron grunting and people screaming and crying are heard)  
  
Auron: Who just touched me? Was it you?   
  
Person: AHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHH, I'm sorry, Sir Auron!!!!!  
  
Auron: I suggest that you . . . pray, now!  
  
=*=  
  
{Aurochs' locker room}  
(Everyone listened to the sounds of the riot outside)  
  
Wakka: Would you listen to all that noise? What do you suppose is goin' on out there?  
  
Jassu: I bet they're all celebrating our win, ya?  
  
Botta: Or more likely the Al Bhed's loss.  
  
Wakka: Huh, people sure celebrate loud these days.  
  
Tidus: Wakka, can I play in the next match, huh?  
  
Wakka: Yes! Hell yes, you can play! We gotta see that "Tidus Shot" of yours in gameplay!  
  
Yuna: That's the "Jecht Shot".  
  
Wakka: The what?  
  
Tidus: Nothing. (whispers out the side of his mouth) Hehehe, shaddup, Yuna.  
  
Wakka: Just don't run off again. Seriously.  
  
Tidus: I won't.  
  
(Botta did a head count)  
  
Botta: One of the players has to be on the bench. I wonder who that could be, eh?  
  
(Everyone looks at Botta)  
  
Botta: (whines to Wakka) Cap'n Wakka.  
  
Wakka: Relax. I'M on the bench.   
  
Datto: (glares at Tidus)  
  
Tidus: (glares back)  
  
Datto: (without removing his eyes from Tidus) Is HE taking my position, Cap'n?  
  
Wakka: Yeah . . . Datto, I want Tidus to be the left forward.  
  
Datto: But --  
  
Wakka: Relax, Datto. You can play MY position -- midfielder.  
  
Datto: (stops glaring and starts grinning at Tidus) Welcome to the team!!!!  
  
Wakka: Tidus, I hope you understand the sanctity of the position "Left Forward" on Besaid's blizball team.  
  
Tidus: Yeah, I understand, Wakka.  
  
Wakka: After Chappu's death, we tried to retire his jersey number, but the Aurochs don't HAVE jersey numbers. Or jerseys.  
  
Tidus: OK, I get it. Left forward. Sacred.  
  
Wakka: We only let the most trusted, talented blitzballers fill this position in honor of --  
  
Tidus: -- CHAPPU!!!! I GET IT!!!!!   
  
Datto: Chappu was my best friend. Don't disgrace his position.  
  
Tidus: I won't, I promise. I swear.   
  
Botta: (quietly) I'm not on the bench! I'm not on the bench! And Wakka's injured! Could today be any better? I LOVE BLITZBALL!!!!!!!  
  
=*= 


	15. The one where the Al Bhed Captain dies

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 15: THE ONE WHERE THE AL BHED CAPTAIN DIES  
  
{The Al Bhed quietly walk down the corridor after their loss}  
(The Al Bhed Captain suddenly stopped and began banging his forehead on the wall)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: [Stupid stupid stupid stupid.]   
  
Nimrook: [Captain . . . ??]  
  
Al Bhed Captain: (he speaks in between beating himself) [They -- were HANDING -- the game -- to us -- and we STILL -- LOST.]  
  
(Suddenly somebody's hand shoved the Al Bhed Captain's head into the wall with excessive force)  
  
(crunching noise)  
  
Al Bhed Captain: . . . . (fell to the floor)  
  
(All the other Al Bhed Psyches turned around to see Seymour and his bodyguards)  
(Seymour is dusting off his hands)  
  
Seymour: Oh my, what an unfortunate accident.   
  
(One of the Al Bhed feels for a pulse on the captain)  
  
Seymour: That's not necessary. I'm quite sure he's dead.  
  
Kyou: (to Eigaar) [Don't you know his language?]  
  
Eigaar: (nevously staring at the captain's body) [Ummm . . . .] (nods)  
  
Kyou: [Talk to him!] (points at Seymour)  
  
Eigaar: (to Seymour) WHY YOU DID THIS?  
  
Seymour: AHAHAHAHAH. (pause)  
  
Guado Bodyguards: (exchange glances) . . . ahahahah.  
  
Seymour: It's quite funny when the heathens try to talk like us.  
  
Eigaar: (steps up to Seymour and glares up at his face) Why you kill him!! Talk to me.  
  
Seymour: I will tell you "why I kill him". I gave you a simple task, to bring Lady Yuna to me, and you couldn't even do that.   
  
Eigaar: (confused) But, we did get Yuna for you . . . .   
  
(Seymour took out a video sphere and showed it to the Psyches)  
{On video sphere: the two Al Bhed from earlier abandoning their post of guarding Yuna to go bet on the Psyches / Tidus, Lulu, and Kimahri rescuing Yuna and taking her away}  
  
Eigaar: (gulp)  
  
(All the Psyches took a step backwards from Seymour)  
  
Seymour: (smashed his video sphere) You know, I should have expected as much! If you hadn't left to play BLITZBALL Yuna would be with me right now.   
  
Eigaar: Why you want Yuna for?  
  
Seymour: Don't make me take out the crayon dr -- err blueprints.   
  
Eigaar: (thinking) [Uh-oh, is "blueprints" like "hand grenades". Damn it, I should have studied my vocab flashcards more.] (out loud) Do not take out the blueprints!  
  
Seymour: Alright, then. (he has been taking the blueprints out of his chest pocket but he now halfway puts them back in) Oh, and it must feel QUITE satisfying to fail at TWO missions. Not only did you let Lady Yuna escape, you also lost to the Aurochs.  
  
Nimrook: [What's he saying?]  
  
Eigaar: [Shut up.] You -- you -- (thinks of English word) -- JERKOFF!! The Al Bhed will avenge our captain.  
  
Seymour: Don't forget to avenge the two "bodyguards" who let Yuna get away.   
  
Eigaar: You kill them, too?!   
  
Seymour: The Al Bhed are dispensible to me. You fail to be of worth I WILL kill you.  
  
Eigaar: Kill me.  
  
Seymour: Kill you?  
  
Eigaar: Yeah.  
  
Seymour: Ahahahahahahahahah.   
  
Eigaar: Do it. (holds out hands in a vulnerable way)  
  
Seymour: Every blitzballer, Besaidian, Kilik-ian, Al Bhed, Guado -- well not them, maybe I let them escape -- and Ronso will be dead at the end of the tournament anyway.   
  
Eigaar: No. Take my life instead.  
  
Seymour: (rolls his eyes) You even fail at trying to be noble. Come on.   
  
(He turns away and his bodyguards follow him)  
(Eigaar cries)  
  
Kyou: *chuckles bitterly* [Hehehe, heh.]  
  
Eigaar: *sniffle* [What's so funny?]  
  
Kyou: [I might not understand his English, but I understand his crayon drawings.]  
  
Nimrook: [Hey, you pickpocketed his "blueprints".]  
  
Kyou: [Yup, just a little skill us "heathens" have.]  
  
Nimrook: [Eww, that means you had to reach in his chest pocket.]  
  
Kyou: [Well, at least it wasn't his ass pocket.]  
  
(They suddenly remember the seriousness of the situation)  
(They respectfully pick up their deceased captain and look grimly at each other)  
(They continue down the corridor)  
  
=*=  
  
{Fixing the sound equipment in the stadium}  
(Announcers #1 and #2 untangle all the extension chords)  
  
Announcer #1: Maybe if I plug this back in.   
  
(sparks come out)  
  
Both Announcers: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
(Announcer #1 unplugs the thing)  
  
(The riot continues below)  
  
Announcer #2: Maybe if you flip this switch-a-roony here.   
  
(The lights in the stadium went out)   
  
Announcer #1: Flip it back.  
  
Announcer #2: I would but it's so dark I can't see where the switch is!!  
  
Announcer #1: Thanks again CAPTAIN IDIOT.  
  
Announcer #2: Um, you're welcome, GENERAL MORON.  
  
Announcer #1: Nuh-uh, don't even start with me, CORPORAL DUMBASS.  
  
(Everybody in the audience is shocked by the power outage and stops beating each other up)  
  
Random Teenage Girl: Eeeeeeeee. It's dark and scary. Hold me Sir Auron~!!  
  
(Auron freaked out by the girl touching him and shoved her about 5 feet)  
  
Auron: Hmmmmph.  
  
=*=  
  
{Locker Room A -- Besaid Aurochs}  
  
Wakka: Oh great now I'm blind.   
  
Tidus: Me too.   
  
(bump)  
(smashhhhhh)  
(crashing noise)  
  
Jassu: Um . . . ha, ha, Letty walked into the wall.  
  
Letty: No I didn't.  
  
Jassu: (who just walked into the wall) Y-yes you did. (his lip trembles while he rubs his newly bruised-up shin)  
  
(Somebody begins patting Wakka on the head)  
  
Wakka: H-hey whoever's doing that. Hands off!!  
  
Tidus: Eh heh.   
  
Wakka: Man brudda what the hell?!  
  
Yuna: Lulu...can't you cast a light spell so we can see?  
  
Lulu: Right. (takes out Variable Mog doll)  
  
Tidus: Hey, it sounds like somebody just took out a doll. It sounds cute, can I play w--  
  
(Lulu casts a Fire spell)  
(Locker room gets filled with light)  
  
(Everyone immediately stops whatever they were doing in the dark)  
  
(Jassu stopps crying and rubbing his shin and begins whistling nonchalantly)  
  
(Tidus removes his hand from Wakka's hair)  
(Wakka glares at him)  
  
Tidus: Well, see, I thought your hair was a puppy.  
  
Wakka: (slowly) Uhhhhh-huh.  
  
(Keepa is eating 25 sandwiches at the same time)  
  
Botta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Cap'n Wakka!! Keepa is eating the Official Aurochs Team Lunch!   
  
Wakka: (pats Keepa on the back) Keep it up champ. Maybe you expand enough to block the entire front of the goal! What's your goal?  
  
Keepa: (munch) To be the fattest goal-keepa ever.  
  
Wakka: That's it--  
  
(The locker room door busts open)  
(It's the Al Bhed Psyches)  
  
Everyone except Yuna, Lulu, and Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!  
  
Eigaar: You, do not being afraid! (holds up his hands)  
  
Wakka: Look out everyone. He has a gun.   
  
(All the Aurochs go into a karate stance)  
  
Eigaar: Oh, no, you do not understand. This is a flashlight, see? Because of the power blockage? (holds up flashlight)  
  
(Accidentally drops the flashlight on Nimrook's foot)  
  
Nimrook: OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH   
  
Wakka: SEE?! DEADLY WEAPON!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!!!  
  
Eigaar: I know, we must have gotten off on the wrong start. Blitzball, only, is a simple competition. It has turned us into enemies.  
  
Wakka: Raaaaaaaargh (lunge)  
  
(Lulu grabs his arm)  
  
Wakka: Lulu, they're heathens.  
  
Lulu: Wakka, you're injured.  
  
Wakka: Ohhh ya, my hernia don't feel so good. (lies down on the bench)   
  
Nimrook: (to Eigaar) [HEY! I recognize that word, "heathens". Call him a "bigot".]  
  
Kyou: (to Eigaar) [Call him a "bigot-ass". Everything becomes more insulting if you put the word "ass" on the end of it.]  
  
Eigaar: I am sorry that we injured you earlier. That was not honest.  
  
(Meanwhile there is a circle of angry-looking Aurochs surrounding the Psyches)  
  
Eigaar: Uhh, but please do listen to me! There is a plan against every blitzballer today, to kill us all!   
  
Wakka: No there isn't.  
  
Eigaar: Please, you listen to me. It is Maester Seymour. He's trying to kill us.   
  
Wakka: No he isn't.  
  
Eigaar: We found these blueprints in his pocket--  
  
Wakka: No you didn't.  
  
Eigaar: We think he's trying t--  
  
Wakka: No he's not.  
  
Eigaar: (getting annoyed) Are you going to disagree with all that I say, no matter what?  
  
Wakka: We'll see about that. (he is still lying down on the bench) I really don't believe you. Of course a pagan like yourself wouldn't trust Maester Seymour.  
  
Jassu: Yeah that's right!   
  
Aurochs: Yeah. That's right. Cap'n Wakka's right. Yeah. Uh-huh.  
  
Wakka: You probably just tryin' to frame him. A heathen would want to make an upright Yevonite figurehead out to be the enemy!   
  
Eigaar: Fine, you don't believe us? (to Nimrook and Kyou) [Show him our captain.]  
  
(Nimrook and Kyou went out in the hallway and returned carrying the body of their captain)  
  
Everyone except the Al Bhed Psyches: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(All the Aurochs stopped with their defensive stance and slowly backed up against a far wall of the room)  
  
(Keepa was eating a sandwich but he now looks up and sees the body)  
  
Keepa: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.  
  
(Wakka recognizes the captain as the guy he fought with earlier)  
  
Wakka: Wh--what happened to him?  
  
Eigaar: Maester Seymour did killed him.  
  
Wakka: No he didn...when? How?  
  
Eigaar: After the match, he hit his head on the wall. Our captain died of blunt force trauma.   
  
Wakka: (takes the "blueprints" from Kyou and flips through them) Hey, Keepa and Botta, this drawing kind of looks like you.  
  
Keepa and Botta: Eheheheheheheh. (nervously shifting around)  
  
(Wakka continues flipping through the papers)   
  
(The Psyches stare hopefully at him)  
  
(Wakka looks up from the papers and stares back at them)  
  
(This goes on for 5 minutes)  
  
(Wakka finally throws the papers back in Kyou's face)  
  
(The Psyches sigh loudly)  
  
Wakka: Number one--I can't even tell what in Yevon's name these ugly drawings are.  
  
Eigaar: But--  
  
Wakka: Number two--in my religion when somebody dies we don't carry their body around and show it to everybody.  
  
Eigaar: We--  
  
Wakka: Number three GET OUT OF MY LOCKER ROOM!!!  
  
Eigaar: Please, Captain Wakka, we're begging you--we're all in danger--we--  
  
(The Aurochs shove the Psyches out)  
(brief pause)  
(The Aurochs slam the door in the Psyches' faces)  
  
Eigaar: (talking to his dead captain) [Oh captain, my captain. We have failed you.]  
  
Kyou: [Would ya shut up, Eigaar? Stop trying to recite ancient poetry from 1,000 years ago!]  
  
(Kyou also talks to the dead captain)  
  
Kyou: [Don't worry...we can't bring you back. But we can keep Seymour from killing anyone else today.]  
  
Nimrook: [I say we start by helping the technical illiterate fix their power supply.]  
  
=*=  
  
(Back in the locker room)  
  
Yuna: Ohh...should I have offered to send their captain to the Farplane?  
  
Wakka: (as if he's talking to a baby) No, Yuna, honey. The Al Bhed are evil. They don't send their dead, like you and me. I think they eat them.  
  
Lulu: Wakka, shut up, you're delirious from your injury.  
  
Wakka: Yes that's right I'm...delicious...from...my....(flops down on bench and goes unconscious again)  
  
=*=  
  
(In the announcers' booth)  
  
(The two announcers argue with each other while the Psyches quietly sneak in and repair their sound and lights)  
(The Psyches sneak out)  
  
Announcer #1: Hey the power's back on!  
  
Announcer #2: Yeah, whatever, CIVILIAN STUPID!!!  
  
Announcer #1: You know, I have a name!  
  
Announcer #2: Heh, well, yeah. (rubs the back of his head) I've been working with you for 20 years and you told me your name one time and I kind of forgot it. Ha ha!! I was kind of too embarassed to ask....  
  
Announcer #1: I forgot your name, too!!!!!!  
  
(They both laugh loudly)  
  
Announcer #1: Oh, well, yeah, my name's Bobba.  
  
Announcer #2: I'm Jimma!! Yeah-heaahhh. This is great! (rubs his hands together)  
  
Bobba: Well, shall we get back to announcing this game, JIMMA?  
  
Jimma: Sure 'nough, um...(thinks)...YOU!  
  
Bobba: (groans) (gets on mic) It appears that our power is BACK ON!   
  
Jimma: PRAISE BE TO YEVON!!!!!!!  
  
(Everyone in the audience slowly goes back to their seats and does the Yevon symbol)  
  
Bobba: This is great!!! We're down to the final match of this tourney! This is THE match, people, the one that decides the winner of this year's TOURNAMENT!-ENT!-ENT!-ENT!!  
  
(Jimma punched Bobba in the face and turned off the reverb on the sound control panel)  
  
Bobba: Ow my teeth  
  
Jimma: The next match begins shortly!  
  
=*=  
  
(Locker room)  
  
Wakka: (woke up) Ya hear that? Get ready, guys. (grunt) (sits up) Tidus...no time for warm-ups, ya?  
  
Tidus: Ha, who needs warm-ups? (punches at the air with his fists)  
  
Wakka: I want you guys to listen to Tidus.  
  
Aurochs: Cap'n!  
  
Botta: (jealously) They should be listening to me. I mean--(excitedly) oh boy oh boy!! I'm gonna play!...(jealously) but that should be me...(excitedly) but HOT DIGGITY I GET TO BE IN THE GAME!!!...oh jeez I'm so conflicted here.  
  
Wakka: Keepa, finish that sandwich and eat some pie. I want your fatness blocking that entire goal out there. Nobody is gettin' a blitzball past your belly, ya?  
  
Keepa: Got it. (begins eating pie)  
  
Wakka: Now let's go over the game plan....  
  
=*= 


	16. Auron's Fan Club

=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
"BLITZBALLERS"  
  
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]  
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft  
=*=*=*=*=*=*=  
  
~Ch. 16: AURON'S FAN CLUB  
  
{Locker Room A--Besaid Aurochs}  
(Wakka continues his pep talk)  
  
Wakka: (pulls out his blitzball bracket paper and writes on it) OK--we eliminated the Psyches in the last round. That means we're against the...oh, jeez, ya...the Luca Goers.  
  
Aurochs: (gasp) The Luca Goers?!?!  
  
Tidus: (waves hand dismissively) The "goers"? What kind of name is THAT? We'll BEAT the Goers and we're TAKING that trophy this year!  
  
Wakka: Tidus sit down, I'M still the captain.  
  
(Tidus sits)  
  
Wakka: I know that the Goers have scrubbed us in the past. I know that they're the #1 team in the league. But not for long! We'll BEAT the Goers and we're TAKING that trophy this year!   
  
Tidus: Tsk.  
  
(Letty wheels out a chalkboard)  
(Displayed on the chalkboard are various X's and O's and arrows labelled: "Good Neighbor Play", "Diplomatic Stand Down", and "Random Act of Kindness")  
  
Wakka: You see these game plans? (gestures at chalkboard)  
  
Aurochs: Yes Cap'n.  
  
Wakka: RAAAAAAAAAARGH! (takes out an eraser and begins viciously erasing the plans)  
  
(Yuna and Lulu are standing in a corner observing this scene)  
  
Yuna: (quietly) Wakka is scaring me, Lulu.  
  
Lulu: Hm, he's never actually believed that he could win before. It's getting to him now.  
  
Yuna: That, and his personal injury.  
  
Lulu: Oh yes, that too, Yuna.  
  
(Wakka flips the chalkboard over to reveal the other side)  
(It also has various X's and O's and arrows labelled: "Sadistic Blowout Formation", "Wrath of a Vengeful Yevon", and there's a 3rd one that Wakka was running out of ideas for play names so he called it "DIE DIE DIEEEEEEE OTHER TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!")  
  
Wakka: We are now using these plays. I want you to forget those other plays. Those are loser plays. We're winners now! Winners!  
  
Aurochs: C-cap'n!!  
  
Tidus: (jumps up) C'MON guys, we can DO it!  
  
Wakka: TIDUS!! Sit down.  
  
(Tidus sits)  
  
Wakka: There's...one more thing...I, uh...have to tell you....  
  
(silence)  
  
Wakka: Cough.  
  
(more silence)  
  
Tidus: Well what's the "thing"?  
  
Wakka: Uh. I--just--wh.... (loses his nerve) Umm, you're all doin' real good out there!  
  
Tidus: That's a boring "thing".  
  
Wakka: (rubs the back of his head)  
  
=*=  
  
Auron: I find that I am famished...that is somewhat surprising to me, as I expected such urges to have left me by now.... (cryptically) For I am no longer of this plane....  
  
(Auron walks up to a little girl with a balloon)  
(The little girl leans her head way back to look up at him)  
  
Auron: Excuse me, young woman. Do you know where the closest refreshment vendor is located?  
  
Little Girl: (stares up at Auron with her mouth open)  
  
Auron: (stares back with his mouth closed)  
  
Little Girl: What's "refreshments"?  
  
(The little girl's mother walks up)  
  
Mother: There you are, baby! (picks up little girl and suddenly sees Auron)  
  
(Now the mother is staring at Auron with her mouth open)  
  
Mother: S-sir Auron...?  
  
Auron: Yes.  
  
Mother: (hearts in her eyes while she looks Auron up and down)  
  
Auron: (clears throat and slowly backs away)  
  
(The mother suddenly jumped out and grabbed Auron's arm)  
  
Mother: Oh, don't go, Sir Auron!! (tries to grin cutely by showing her teeth)  
  
Auron: (to himself) Does she mean to bite me? (slowly grips the handle of his katana blade)  
  
Mother: I--oh, this is such a coincidence, running into you like this!  
  
Auron: Certainly. Now can I please have my arm back.  
  
Mother: (grips his arm even tighter)   
  
Auron: I just wanted some nourishment--   
  
(Other woman walks up)  
  
Woman: Oh, my goodness it's Sir Aur--Kathy, is that you?  
  
Mother: (to the other woman) Why, yes it is...now GO AWAY.  
  
Woman: (cheerful yet vicious tone) The last time I checked you were married.  
  
Mother: Shut up! (to Auron) I can divorce!  
  
Auron: My arm is turning slightly bluish in coloration, so I demand that you release my--HEY. That's my other arm--  
  
(The other woman grabbed his other arm)  
  
Auron: Ladies, I must insist, stop tugging on me--that includes you, young lady!!!  
  
(The little girl is sitting on the floor tugging on the hem of his coat)  
  
Auron: What is going ON here?  
  
(Fat woman runs up and hugs Auron)  
  
Auron: (muffled) MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAGH--!!  
  
(Fat Woman hugged Auron tightly in her arms)  
  
Auron: (suffocates)  
  
(Auron, using his Warrior Monk Training, escaped from her headlock using Escape Technique #4)  
  
Auron: (gasps for air) Alright I've had it! I nearly asphyxiated. What do you want!?  
  
(All the women grin at him suggestively)  
(Auron read the writing on Fat Woman's shirt: AURON FAN CLUB)  
  
Auron: I have groupies?...I must respectfully refuse.   
  
Women: Sir Aurooooooon....  
  
Auron: Hey look are those your husbands over there? (points)  
  
(Nobody turns around)  
(Auron runs away anyway)  
  
Fat Woman: Hey, I'm not even married.  
  
(Auron ran around a corner and stopped somewhere, panting)  
(A spectator walked by)  
  
Spectator: Are you gay or what, man?  
  
Auron: Pardon?  
  
Spectator: You always run away from the ladies.  
  
Auron: Cough.  
  
Spectator: I heard that you refused the hand of a priest's daughter.  
  
Auron: That is none of your concern!!   
  
Spectator: You can tell me. (wink wink)  
  
Auron: Stop that.   
  
(Auron begins walking away)  
(The guy follows him)  
  
Auron: Go away!  
  
(The guy begins grinning stupidly at him)  
  
Auron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!   
  
=*=  
  
{Inside the Aurochs' huddle.........}  
  
Tidus: Back in Zanarkand, we have a saying -- if you lose, it's not just the captain's fault. It's the team's.  
  
Botta: (loudly) I think it's the captain's fault.   
  
Tidus: But we won't have to worry about that this year. We're not gonna lose this time. Not with me around. Not with our drive to win. Not when there's this REAL big trophy that we can win! Let's go, Aurochs!  
  
Datto: For Cap'n Wakka!!  
  
Botta: (quietly) Whatever.  
  
Aurochs: YEAH!   
  
=*= 


End file.
